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Truth Mommy

Truth Mommy

telling the truth about being a mommy and all of the thrills and trills that come with it! telling my truth, the real whole raw truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

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The Softmore

Part 1 – Cori – time frame – 2000’s

It’s the year 2005 or 2006, the year you get your license. The month is ApriI. I think I was in 10th grade, driving a 1994 XL Fire Engine Red Chevy Blazer. I was not yet an experienced highway driver, so wherever I went, I went the back roads.

On this particular day it didn’t matter. The place I was going was all back roads. There was one way into town and one way out, and this was it. A Long, winding, curvy, strip of what felt like forever. Beautiful mansion like houses lined the road, and the smell, the sticky smell of the salt water clung to the hairs inside of my nose the way you would picture molecules and cells sticking together.

It was the same road I had traveled down many, many times throughout my youth with my parents to get to the Beach, but one of the first times I had driven it myself. And I wasn’t going to the Beach this time. I was going to a Women’s Health Clinic to be put on birth control, without my mother’s knowledge or consent. They had a little notebook, a journal, filled with “testimonials” from patients before us. Essentially, the ” Comment’s Section” of this particular Women’s health Clinic.

I’d brought my friend Leena with me for support, more of a celebratory support. Little did I know- I was going to need more than that, and a lot of it.

I peed in a little cup for what I believe now, was the first time I’d ever done so ( outside of when my mom would hold the cup for me at my annual physical with my pediatrician), sat back down in the waiting area with Leena, and began reading some journal entries.

After about 45 minutes, and a lot of whispering stares and side eyed glares, a woman opened her door and called out my name, ” Cori? Come on in.”

We spoke about the different types of birth control, my history ( which wasn’t much yet) and then she asked if I’d like for her to bring my support person in. That threw me way off, but I sort of chuckled it off and thought it’d give us a lot of laughing material for the ride home.

She opened her office door and called out, ” Leena, could you please come in and take a seat with us?” . A knot began g r o w i n g inside of my belly. My nerves were starting to catch up to me.

When my Best Friend entered the room, we locked eyes and nervously smiled at one another.

“What is going on?” I ask the, (lets call her “Doctor”) Doctor.

” Unfortunately Cori*, we can not give you a prescription of Birth Control today, but we can offer support-” Said Doctor, uneasily.

What?! What the hell do you mean??? What is wrong with me?? Is it an STD?! HERPES? HIV? AM I DYING?! – Were some of the first thoughts that went through my head, my best friend Leena, was thinking the same things. She was so afraid of what the next words would be, she visibly clenched her fists into the arms of the chair, on each side of her body.

” We can not give you a prescription for Birth Control today, because…. you are already Pregnant.”

Explosives going in all corners of my brain.

That’s. Not. Possible. ( not a statement taken lightly in such a situation).

I couldn’t imagine being PREGNANT!? I had just turned 16 years old.

NO!! This cannot be happening. I was t r y i n g to get AHEAD OF THIS!!

The first audible words out of my mouth were, ” Okay, Well… Soo what can you guys do for this? What can we do about this? I need to fix this and fast, and again, w i t h o u t my mother finding out…”

The only support offered to me by the lovely clinic, was a few brochures regarding adoption and teen pregnancy. They did not offer, provide, nor support a b o r t i o n.


When I walked out of the clinic, I took what felt like the first breath I had taken since Leena sat down in Doctor’s office with me.

My face stained in tears, I called my boyfriend Anthony.

When he answered, he already knew something was not right. See, usually I’d only call him over the 2-way Radio. So when the phone rang and he saw my name flash across the screen, his stomach bubbled.

On the ride home, I called my mom.

She could hardly understand the words coming out of my mouth, but she got the idea. ” Drop Leena off, and head home, I’ll be right over.”

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Cut to- It’s the second-to-maybe Third-to-Last Day of 10th Grade, June of 05/06, and I have an appointment scheduled for the following day. I’m sitting in Mrs. Lato’s Spanish class nauseous, a feeling I’d begun to get used to, and my teacher won’t let me go to the bathroom, a g a i n. I know my bathroom breaks were frequent, more frequent than normal- and they thought I was going to smoke cigarettes, ( something I did regularly in the school bathrooms). Over the last 3 months, my bathroom breaks had become even more frequent, and I was doing more than just s m o k i n g in the girls room.

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Even when I did go in there to smoke, I would throw up. E v e r y. s i n g l e. t i m e. I was SO frustrated. I had been trying to keep this secret for months, as one pregnant 10th grade teenager would do. It wasn’t that I couldn’t take the secret any longer, it was that I had to throw up, and did NOT want to do so in front of a room full of Juniors and Seniors, most of whom I was n o t friendly with.

I tried to cover all my bases. I asked if I could PLEASE run to the bathroom, THREE TIMES. In between my pleas, Mrs. Lato would throw in a wise remark. She thought it was funny. She wasn’t trying to be mean, no – she was just trying to get through her lesson. ” It’s the last week of school, cant you wait until the bell rings? Your not going to want to miss a thing in class today or tomorrow.”

“I’m not going to be here tomorrow or the next day. So May I Please run to the bathroom? It’s s e r i o u s. It’s a M e d i c a l condition. It’s a g i r l problem.”

Nothing. She ignored me each time.

I rose from my chair and exited the class room. Fuming. Actually, f u m i n g. This was the first time I felt my whole body heat up the way it did in response to my anger. I felt my skin turn flush. My neck, covered in blotches of red… embarrassment? Fear? No, Anger. Anger that looked like a bad allergic reaction.

I splashed my face with water, and looked at myself in the fun house like mirror that was mounted along the wall as you exited the bathroom. I wanted to wait for the bell to ring, but back then, the concept of time wasn’t what it is now. It lasted longer. One half hour felt more like One whole hour. Fifteen minutes was more like 45. So I waited for my face to cool down some, and I walked back to class.

This is What Racing Feels Like

Racing, a Tmommy Collab

Racing random ridiculous thoughts running ramped through my head.

Racing random ridiculous thoughts run ramped in circles through my mind while I close my eyes.

Words like years, time, baptism, heaven, solitude, leaving, mystery, horror, fear, lost, failing, work, school, dinner, money, taxes, sleep- De-Realization. I remember a time not long ago when I wasn’t always so anxious and worried.

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I don’t know. I don’t have the answers I need and it stresses me out.

De-Realization? What does DeRealization mean to you??

It makes me anxiuous, and makes me feel unbalanced, uneven, unreal.

Is it something the just happens with adults?? Or do Kids understand it too? What is “De-Realization” To you? In your own words?

I apologize ahead, as this template is giving me anxiety. This Format is incorrect. For now it will do.

I dont know if it comes with age or if it’s something thats been there all along, just under the surface… dormant. I dont know if its that, or if it comes with wisdom. I don’t know exactly what it is. Everything gives me anxiety. Everything.

“BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!”

How do you get children to enjoy, LOVE, or heck, even just LIKE, brushing their teeth?

I’ve Been all over the internet trying to find ways to excite my toddler, well, all of my children really, to brush their teeth!!!

My youngest turned 4 on 2/21 – she HATES brushing her teeth, I don’t know if it’s the act itself, or, if shes just lazy. I think it’s the latter, because she doesn’t always mind it in the morning, even at night sometimes she doesn’t mind. It’s really just getting her in the bathroom to do it that is the issue/ struggle. Once she or I start brushing them, shes usually fine.

Check this. Yep. Judge me. I did this.

One night last week, as all the kids took turns brushing their teeth, I called on Lu, only to find that she was in her P.J’S , all tucked in, ( In MY bed), and claiming how she was just way too tiered to even move.

mmmhmm.

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So her dad came in, and told her he would help her, blah blah blah, etc etc. I know how this goes. It’s all too familiar. I had a headache and just did not want to go through this, again. What is this I speak of? Let me tell you. It’s, the screaming, the tears, the kicking, the crying, the screaming, the shrieking, the whole neighborhood probably thinking someone is being held captive against their will and being tortured. I was too tiered myself.

So I nicely asked her if she would let me brush her teeth right here, right now. She pleasantly agreed.

So yes, I got her toothbrush, put a strip of toothpaste on the bristles, grabbed 2 cups, a bottle of water & mouth wash, and I proceeded to my bedroom, to brush my 3 year olds teeth.

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She loved it. It was fine. Whatever. Spoiled children. I know. i KNOW.

Since that night, she has not let me do it that way again. She has however been brushing/ letting us brush, with minimal struggle, but its very wishy-washy, I never know whether shes going to want to or not. I’ve tried everything. Her siblings helping, making it fun, making it a game, being forceful, not being forceful, ugh, I don’t know. We will get through it somehow or another I’m sure of it.

So how about you? Have you had/ do you have, a child who completely detests brushing their teeth? Who just WON’T do it sometimes? Most times? What did you do to help them?

Share your stories here with us/me PLEASE!! 🙂

Am I alone? Is my child the only child who hates brushing their teeth? Is my child going to be toothless before she even goes to prom? I’m joking- but really though. Tell me I’m not alone?

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Photo by Shiny Diamond on Pexels.com

Please consider

Rest in The sweetest Peace Robert <3

03.25.1990 – 02.08.2021

In times like these, we are supposed to come together as a community. We are supposed to have each others backs. It takes a village, and right now, even more than just that. Lets make a difference today.

It was true. He is gone. Rob is gone. He left behind his family, his friends. He left behind my darling friend Alex, and their 2 beautiful babies, Mila & Sean, only 3 & 4 years old. Tonight, 2/18/21 is his wake. Tomorrow he will be laid to rest, next to his father, who passed away when Rob was a kid. Its tragic.

The whole thing, is Tragic. Our Birthday will never be the same. Rob and his twin brother and myself shared a birthday. I can’t imagine Rich’s pain. I wish I could do more, but I have been trying to keep a healthy distance, for everyone.

Its fine. I can do it silently.

So, I made a meal train for her and the kids for the next few days / weeks, whatever I can cover. I cannot do it alone, as much as I truly wish I could. I’d like to ask my followers a favor. Please.

Alex also has a Go-Fund me , as she had to leave her job, to be with her children during this time. She is now to raise her and Rob’s children, without him, alone. This is new, its a fresh wound. A deep deep wound that will scar us forever. She has to navigate for herself, and her children, through this new, unwanted world of theirs.

Please help me by clicking this link here, or below, and, if you aren’t close enough to take part in the meal train, please consider sending a door dash or grub hub gift card through the meal train link. It is so simple and easy, and yet it will truly go such a long way. Even $15, on a door dash card, so that she can focus more on getting herself and her babies though the next few days, especially.

Calling a local-to-her, Pizza joint and ordering her and her 2 kids a couple pizzas, or chicken finger dinners, anything.. simple, easy, cheap – it goes such a long way. Please, consider helping me to help her and those babies this week.

Please reach out with any questions & thank you all in advance <3

Alex’s family

https://mealtrain.com/5ee9rw

https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/5ee9rw?fbclid=IwAR0ydhVmiyAEq6C8dNEoLHsrquav-f-WCHzgGw0LXJcq7xnaYm7Ml7Cx8ds

Here is the Go Fund Me below – every other link is the Meal Train

https://www.gofundme.com/static/js/embed.js

Not that I’m a professional critic or anything..

Netflix’s ‘Sweet Home’

Okay, so I’ve spent a lot more time than I’d like to admit, binge watching Netflix. Especially during this pandemic?! Idk what I’d have done without it?!!! Lost my mind maybe? Interacted more with others? lol idk. whatevs.

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So I’m currently watching… “Sweet Home” , a South Korean comedy/drama/ post-apocalyptic, based on a Webtoon comic with the same name, created by Kim Carnby & Hwang Young-Chan. Damn, is this shit gory or what?!? I thought that “Death of Me”, was bad, this is just downright chaos. It reminds me of something like… “The Goonies”, maybe crossed with some other Monster movie or series filmed pre – super technology days. The way these monsters and creatures move just seriously creeps me out. It’s like… the word, “Slytherin”. That is what they remind me of. Just the word though, not what the word means.

Has anyone watched it?

Is anyone watching it?

What are your thoughts?

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Off the Beaten Path

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERTS FOR NETFLIX’S ‘DEATH OF ME’

I’m currently watching “Death Of Me” On ; ‘Netflix’. It’s pretty f$#k-y to say the least. ” Island Magic” “Nam mun prai” This shit is crazy!!

Finished up “Glitch” and Netflix suggested I watch this. Almost as gruesome, if not more, as “The Cell” from 2000. The guts, intestines. Pulling.. squirming. cracking… ugh. Ya know what though? Her braid somehow manages to stay fucking perfect throughout. Well… I’m currently exactly 1 hour, 15 minutes and 9 seconds in… and her braid is completely perfect.

I should be playing with one of my many children. I’m going to miss it. I’m in it and I’m missing it. I’m not doing anything to change it.

Wow. WTAF did I just watch? I can’t even with this.

Go watch it, right now. Go ahead. It’s fuckey for sure, but in like, a good, interesting way.

Here, let me give you ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT.... JUST INCASE – I SPOIL.

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Now, Netflix has suggested that I watch “Can’t Cope Won’t Cope” , and….WHOA!! It was actually more of a forceful suggestion, nevertheless. It started playing it for me like… almost immediately after friggin ‘Death of me’ , talk about 1 extreme to the next!! Ah I’m all over the place here!

So, just to double back real quick, I’m talking about 3 different shows/movie’s streamed on Netflix;

  1. Glitch Series
  2. Death of me
  3. Cant cope won’t cope

So, if you’ve not seen any of the 3, I suggest you exit this article now!

Glitch (TV Series 2015–2019) - IMDb

Glitch ( 3 seasons, 18 total episodes) is an Australian television programme which premiered on 9 July 2015 on ABC ( Later onto Netflix) . The series is set in the fictional country town of Yoorana, Victoria, and follows 7 people whom are originally from there, and died there, who return from the dead in perfect health but with no memory.

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Death of Me (2020) - IMDb
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1830643/

Death of Me is a 2020 Film. As I stated, gruesome, nasty, violent, yet satisfying.

Vacationing on an island off the coast of Thailand, couple Neil and Christine awake hungover.. and with absolutely no recollection of the previous night. When trying to board the Ferry to get home, they realize that at least one of them is missing their wallets, phone, money, and neither of them can find their passports, therefore they are unable to board. When arriving back at the AIRBNB they had just checked out of, Neil begins searching his phone for any clues to what had gone on the night before, where they could have left their stuff, or what could have happened. He comes across a 2.5 + hour long video that the couple had recorded on the mystery night in question. As they watch it, they witness what looks to be, the total IMPOSSIBLE. Now they NEED answers, and they NEED to get home! They spend the rest of the movie searching the Thai Island for hints, clues, and or answers to what had happened the night before. It isn’t very pretty.

Now, this movie was for sure interesting, it kept my interest for most of the time, but also, it confused the heck out of me more than a handful of times! I kept thinking it was about to end, I sat here saying..

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” Ohhh NOOO WAY. DONT YOU DARE DO THAT TO ME! ”

out loud, yes

HAH! I kept checking the timing to be sure, only to see there was still X amount of time left. So I continued watching, waiting for the all knowing part to come. The part where everything is laid out right there and it suddenly all comes together, and it all makes sense! Well, yeah, that never really happened. It did, sort of, like, it did start to explain things, the way it was, why it was happening, little bits and pieces of information… but then something came out of left field! I was thrown waaaaay off course, and back to square 1 basically haha! The ending didn’t really give me the answers I was hoping for, but hey… it’s a movie? It really isn’t bad, its a decent watch, I guess it just depends on you. So if you haven’t seen it yet, go check out ” Death Of Me” On Netflix and let me know your thoughts!!

  • Did the ending answer your questions?
  • Did you think it was as Gory as ” The Cell” ?
  • What are you the most confused about?
  • What do you know now that you didn’t even think of?

Stuff like that! Oh, here is a cool little bit of FYI- The couple ends up telling us that they are from Boston, Massachusetts, which I think is pretty awesome, andddd the entire movie was filmed in Thailand.. so very beautiful, and oh So cool!

Can't Cope, Won't Cope (TV Series 2016–2018) - IMDb

Cant Cope Wont Cope ( 2 seasons, 12 episodes total)

Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope is an Irish comedy-drama television series, about 2 twenty-something year old friends, Danielle, and Aisling, from Mallow, County Cork, who share a house in Dublin. Aisling is a fund manager, Danielle is an art student who is trying to find her calling. Both women are complete party animals, who love to dance, day and night drink and just have a good time! The series shows a glimpse of what the life of a real twenty-something, might be like, especially for those of us who had not yet matured, or ever had to face any type of consequences, or adversary in our lives. It is real, it is raw, it is good, and it is over :[. The writer of the series announced in August of 2018 that there would not be a season 3, as she had not even expected or planned for the show to go beyond 1 season. That’s too bad because it was definitely a fantastically written, wonderfully produced, and amazingly cast series.

After doing a little bit of research on the show, it didn’t take long for me to learn that the 33 year old actress who played Danielle, Danika Nika McGuigan , had passed away in July 2019, after a short battle with cancer. Awful. Heart Breaking. So young, such talent. :'[

Although there are only 12 episodes in the series entirety, I strongly recommend heading over to Netflix and watching it. Hey, 12 episodes? That should be easy, gives all the more reason to Binge watch it now! :]

Let me know what you think! :]

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P.s I hope your alive

Please don’t be True.

Please don’t let what I believe to be true, be the real Truth.

Please be okay. Please be here still. Here on this Plane, in this universe somewhere, grounded. On dry land, on shore.

Please don’t be what I think it is. Please.

I hope it’s something simple. Simple, no that’s not the word… but just anything, anything other than what I’m starting to believe.

I am aware that everyone has a sobriety date, or at least, everyone will. Though they are not all etched in stone, some very much are. Some proudly display their sobriety date on their facebook and IG walls, while others have it literally engraved in their stone, their headstone. Then there’s the people, who end up back stuck in the middle, ( many of us ) – or just – straight still in the middle BEEN in between, never left. The ones that happen to slip & fall, Sh$# that’s a bad hit. A bad feeling, I know it all too well. It happens to the best of us, but not all of us make it back from that slip and fall. That’s the worst part about relapse.

That’s why we are always in recovery. Always trying to stay clean.

Birth Dates, Sobriety Dates, Anniversary Dates, and Death dates, all seem to eventually add up. They all end up with multiple meanings, to multiple people, there’s billions of us. When we share such dates though, is when the meaning is given, therefore it serves purpose. Many purposes. Sharing a sobriety date with a loved ones birth date. Sharing a Birth date with a loved ones death date. Sharing these days is what makes them special to us. Not the way they are written or where, or why.

I share my birth date with someone that I’ve loved. I share my sobriety date with someone else that I’ve loved, it was their Birth date, when they were still on this plane. It’s why I hold it so closely.

I share the date of the first time I gave birth, with a friend I love, except it was the last date she gave birth. Our daughters share their Birth Date. Which is also, the day of my grandfather’s Birth Date, not year, of course. My anniversary Date has been the same date, in 2 very long term relationships. Another child of mine’s Birth date, another date that I gave birth, is shared with Halloween.

There are so many dates I remember for so many reasons, yet half the time I cannot even remember where I left my keys!

I’m just praying that your still okay.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
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