It’s something about our touch.. our sounds, our stillness & sense …
My children have all had a period of time where they slept next to me, and they had to be touching me. In some way or another; They could be on the other side of the bed, yet their tiny foot/feet were making contact with me.
My littles one moves around in her sleep when she feels or hears me near & doesn’t stop moving til she’s making contact with me.
My heart beat .
This must be why they said skin to skin…
These babies grew inside of us. You literally cannot get any closer to us, to our hearts, than the children you birthed. Not taking away from anyone else in any way – just giving my perspective.
They want to hear our heart beating, feel our hearts beating. There’s a comfort in that, that some just cannot go without.
To me, it’s important.
To me, I have to cherish it.
It won’t be this way forever – I keep reminding myself this. I keep reminding pat… I keep saying it outloud but I still have to remind myself,, I still forget.
These babies aren’t babies forever, so I believe in closeness. I believe in cuddling, hugs, goodnight kisses, bed sharing & I believe in giving into it.
10:56pm Sitting outside on my “stoop” aka … farmers… porch 🤣😂 – the air changes… the breeze feels stuffy, and all of a sudden it’s not.
I think of you…
I can’t tell you exactly why- it was just like one second you were there, the next you weren’t.
At first an indoor affair came to mind, something that happened in my adult years. Seconds later, a line or 2 into the song, you come to mind. Not the last version of you I saw. The high school, awkward, 8th grade you. Maybe this was a song we listened to together with friends or maybe on one of our blunt cruises..
Next up @ a little past 11pm, still on the same stoop..
Today is the first day of this week that 2 of my children are actually going in to their school to learn. Boy do I miss what used to be known as a normal school day. Tuesday and Wednesday this week was remote learning from my kitchen table. ( Giving all 3 remote learning kids a set of headphones was probably one of the best decisions ever.) Although, I can still hear the tones of 3 women teachers in unison teaching different things to different aged groups of children, singing songs, rattling off numbers and equations, times tables, all the good stuff you would expect to learn in an elementary school classroom. Monday was a day off, to celebrate the day of Martin Luther King. He earned that day. I just want to make it clear before I go on, that I appreciate MLK, and I would never say anything to take away from him, his day, and all that he did. He is a Super Star in American history. If only he were here now to see the chaos that has been recreated. I don’t think he’d be at all happy about any of it.
However…. I want a day. A day where the entire Country thinks of and celebrates me.
I want to do something that is so important that it earns me a day of my own. I have my birthday, obviously, but it isn’t mine alone, it isn’t an entire day named after me. American’s don’t wake up on my birthday, and think of me. They don’t take a day off of school, or work for me. I actually would like for my day to be the 25th of March, my day, but named after me as well. If it were to be, it would go something like..
” A woman who was brought into this world on this day, a women who has become SO important to our world today. That today we shall celebrate her. Her life, her achievements, and heck, her existence all together period!!! “
lol I’m just playing!!! Imagine though… Being so important to the entire country, or WORLD! *jaw drops*
The zodiac sign for that day, is ARIES. I am an Aries, clearly. I want to represent the fierce, firey, passionate Aries in every way possible, not just as ‘my sign’.
That just gave me an idea. SUCH a great idea, that I can’t say just yet. Lets just see how it goes.
I was still dreaming at the time those thoughts went through my racing brain.. * eye roll* … someday…something.
My father spent the day here, mapping, planning, designing, placing, measuring, gosh there really is so much behind running a business.
The first step ( the one I found out the hard way) , is to map and plan. You cannot just dive in with your eyes closed and succeed.
As an addict in recovery, in my early years, I was “taught” .. that us addicts are always looking for instant gratification. For example, an addict who is just nearing a month of sobriety, working hard at rebuilding the life they slowly and painfully destroyed, but not anywhere near where they want to be, would say something like…
” I’ve been sober for 28 days and still, no one will approve me for an apartment, I can’t take my kids anywhere myself, I can’t even open a damn bank account!! How am I supposed to even WANT to live a sober life if this is all it is..” [Solely an example folks.]
Solely an example folks, yet it sounds oh SO familiar.
Well my friend, it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t work like that for anyone … does it? I mean, it depends on the person really. The amount of damage, the time it took to do all the damage, the bridges burnt. Credit blown. Fixing our mess doesn’t happen overnight. There is no 1 “quick fix”. Maybe this wasn’t the best example for what I meant, BUT… it sounds good to read.
It’s real. It’s raw. It is honest and truthful.
If you are an addict reading this, and you feel completely hopeless, like you’ll never get off drugs, or never want to deal with the mess you made…please know.. it doesn’t happen overnight, or maybe not even in a year, but it WILL happen. It’s hard, its work, But you will make it, and you’ll come out stronger than you ever thought you could be.
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Maybe more like a child, ” I want what I want right when I want it!!”
That is literally my brain 89% of the time.
Any who. I got SO much done today . I actually feel somewhat accomplished. Not on my blog, my site, or my stores… or even my office – BUT, I played with my child. We took our baths and showers. Cleaned the bathroom top to bottom. Put away 3 loads of laundry at the same time as sorting/washing/drying another 3-4 loads of laundry. I updated one of the poshmark sites, and yeah, I’ve been back and forth on here, buttttt I’ve not let my day get completely consumed by business strategies, (ha, before I edited this it said ‘startegies’ I feel like that word describes this more perfectly), traffic, marketing ,etc. I’m trying to take a step back every so often. It isn’t easy.
I haven’t even gotten to half of the things I’m meant to say on this blog. I will. There is always, sometimes, hopefully,maybe, later.
It’s time to go pick up the kids… POSITIVE NOTE*** ITS THURSDAY NIGHT!!!
Thursday night is the most inspiring night of the week. It’s my girls night. My 2 beautiful besties and I, get to snack, paint, craft, chat, … ughh… If you don’t got yourself a Thursday night crew like mine, you’ve gotta get you one!!!
The more into the blog I get, the more I’ll share on us.
Alright, off to be super mom , get my kids, drop off some customer shipments & get supper ready so I’m prepared for 7pm !!! AHH
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