Racing random ridiculous thoughts running ramped through my head.
Racing random ridiculous thoughts run ramped in circles through my mind while I close my eyes.
Words like years, time, baptism, heaven, solitude, leaving, mystery, horror, fear, lost, failing, work, school, dinner, money, taxes, sleep- De-Realization. I remember a time not long ago when I wasn’t always so anxious and worried.
I don’t know. I don’t have the answers I need and it stresses me out.
De-Realization? What does DeRealization mean to you??
It makes me anxiuous, and makes me feel unbalanced, uneven, unreal.
Is it something the just happens with adults?? Or do Kids understand it too? What is “De-Realization” To you? In your own words?
I apologize ahead, as this template is giving me anxiety. This Format is incorrect. For now it will do.
I dont know if it comes with age or if it’s something thats been there all along, just under the surface… dormant. I dont know if its that, or if it comes with wisdom. I don’t know exactly what it is. Everything gives me anxiety. Everything.
I try to sound the same as I speak,
to make it feel like your next to me,
Go over every word that rhymes,
thinking about them, so much time
again, at the screen, I stare,
eyes wide open, like a glare,
in my soul, can you see?
get off topic again,
it won't be long now,
forgetting the thought,
i watch it pass
without a blink,
blank, I stare,
a double Nonet ; 9 lines , starting at 9, down to 1 - each line descending syllables - to have as many syllables as the number of the line.
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By the time I was pregnant with my fourth child, Social Media Platforms were totally BOOMING!! You could find answers to any of your questions, on a Facebook group-thread rather than scrolling though the 100+ pages of results you’d get on Google. I wouldn’t say that I was tech illiterate, but I was pretty untrained when it came to all the new updates and new platforms. I had been living as far “off the grid” and “off-line” as I was able, so I didn’t have many friends at that point. I found a FaceBook Group, for women who were due around the same time as me and joined it. We became a tight knit community and I gained many friends from it, it was great! We were all going through the same things!! We did Secret Santa, sent Group Birthday Gifts, and watched each other through so much life, ultrasounds, gender reveals, weddings, braxton hicks contractions. We saw Birth stories, baby pictures and parent baby picture comparisons. We supported each other through some really heavy stuff, some really terrible and traumatic things happened to some amazing people. We were there for it. From pregnancy, til birth, I check on this page daily. Even after my child was born, I remained close with many of the moms. It was fantastic that I was able to be myself wholly, and I didn’t have to explain myself if I forgot to call or text back. I didn’t have to apologize for living my life. That is the essence of Truth Mommy. That is what I hope to give, share with mothers. There are no limitations- Got a story? Share it.. Looking for some supportive words? My hopes are that you will find them here.
A Nonet is a 9-lined-Poem - A Poem with 9 lines.
Nonet Form : Think about it this way;
This way, one can think, "each line has that many syllables." So line 9 has 9 syllables, line 8 has 8, line 7 has 7, line 6 has 6, line 5 has 5, line 4 has 4, line 3 has 3, line 2 has 2 & line 1 ends the nonet with 1 syllable.
Nonet's can be an exciting way to spicen up your writing. Not only does writing this way give readers something intriguing and unique to interpert, but it also puts said writer in a complete different thinking space than the norm. It can help aleviate those mundane thoughts that one just can't put into the words, just by taking you away from them, even if only for a few moments. although it Definitely takes me more than a few moments to write a nonet.
Writing in Nonet form takes the writer out of ordinary every day thoughts, and even if it doesn't do all that, it gives every day, ordinary thoughts going onto page.. more OOMPH!! An old, maybe sometimes forgotten, yet still so COOL OOMPH!!
Here's an example of a thought turning into a quick little Nonet, and about how much time it took to think up.
(9:48am) first thought- I want to write about my relationship.too many syllables so let's make it the title ;]
I want to write abo-ut my old-est.
the first one to call me their mom
we may not al-ways be close
but my girl knows I'm here
for her, for-ev-er
a promise sworn.
i got you
It’s something about our touch.. our sounds, our stillness & sense …
My children have all had a period of time where they slept next to me, and they had to be touching me. In some way or another; They could be on the other side of the bed, yet their tiny foot/feet were making contact with me.
My littles one moves around in her sleep when she feels or hears me near & doesn’t stop moving til she’s making contact with me.
My heart beat .
This must be why they said skin to skin…
These babies grew inside of us. You literally cannot get any closer to us, to our hearts, than the children you birthed. Not taking away from anyone else in any way – just giving my perspective.
They want to hear our heart beating, feel our hearts beating. There’s a comfort in that, that some just cannot go without.
To me, it’s important.
To me, I have to cherish it.
It won’t be this way forever – I keep reminding myself this. I keep reminding pat… I keep saying it outloud but I still have to remind myself,, I still forget.
These babies aren’t babies forever, so I believe in closeness. I believe in cuddling, hugs, goodnight kisses, bed sharing & I believe in giving into it.
If one of my ancestors who came and went long before I, were to stumble upon my journal, open it, and begin reading aloud a page at random… they would be enraptured by what was before them, the spelling, the terminology, the meaning and matters… that is… if they could read it…
” As I sit on my front porch rocker and rock, I impatiently await my door dashers arrival, as I cannot fathom smoking a cigarette in one hand, without a coffee in the other… *bing*, its my apple watch… ‘ you’re dasher is en route’ “
What do you think they would make of that? Would they believe my ‘dasher’ to be my, courter? Or would they think I was speaking of some new form of travel, like a newly found reindeer that will pick me up? Would they think I was waiting and watching to catch the little thief down the street who seconds as a ding dong ditcher? What about my watch? My all knowing, fortune telling, shape of an apple, watch. I’m sure they’d probably think… lazy American!!! haha no but really.
Wouldn’t that be interesting?
*ancestor turns the page*
” I could still be sitting in my bed, binge watching the latest episodes of my favorite series, on Netflix or Hulu. I could be searching through amazon to find my next best new thing. Or watching the stock market to make sure my newest investment hasn’t completely sunken ship.”
Searching the amazon? Apple ,fortune telling, all knowing watch? Reindeer that deliver and talk? LAZY GIRL YOU NOT WOMAN!!!
I don’t even know if they’d make it a day in this time, just as I don’t know if I’d make it a day in their time. What do you think your ancestors would say? The ones you never knew. What do you think would be the MOST interesting, yet at the same time the most confusing, thing to them?
What about our lost loved ones? I don’t just mean an ancestor either, I mean friends, family, etc, loved ones we’ve lost. The ones who were here in our time. The ones who were seeing the world evolve. The ones who took their last breath far sooner than we would have liked, hoped.
What if you had 1 day with a lost one of your choice, but you couldn’t tell them that they had passed away? You had to go on as if it were a normal day, and they were still here in your life, today and always. It would be possible, because this is just a story...or a theory… so don’t worry about the details. Don’t even worry about, the living arrangements, how they got to you, or having to explain any of that to them, or having to catch them up on all the time they’ve missed. Forget that. As much as I would love to know all about heaven, I couldn’t ask. It wouldn’t be fair, or enough. Would it? When would it be enough? What would be enough?
How about a day with that ancestor who got their hands on your journal?? What if you could spend 24 hours with that ancestor that you’ve never met? What would you want to know? What would you want to show them?? I’m sure if your ancestor is George Washington or Good Ole Abe, they’d seize war on…. SOMEONE!! US??
I was just watching the movie ” RADIUM GIRLS”, A 2018 Film based on a true story, true events, from the 1920’s. That’s sort of why my mind came here. I’ve got to run out now though, but I do have more to say, on this. I’m intrigued.
So if your interested in the rest, or even if you just liked this post, leave a comment!! Please? Tell me what you think!! I want to interact with A real audience, A public audience. I want to bring in more opinions, facts, stories, theories, ETC!! I wrote more on this post, but I just took it away & saved as a draft for a rainy day!!! I’ll post more soon. Chat later 🙂