Wtf does target do to children?!

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is it the lighting??

Something in the air!!

What would you give to be that kid again?

What I would give to go back in time today, right now & be the little girl who didn’t truly understand the lyrics to some of my favorite songs..

The songs I sang the words to with such harmless, aimless compassion …

What I’d give to not feel the words to every song so deeply inside of my soul, because I get it.

What id give to be put to bed by such love and such inner peace, and to wake up feeling genuinely reset and worthy. A brand new day.

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To be told that I don’t understand something yet, and really, truly & innocently NOT understand it.

To believe everything without needing proof.

To trust and believe in love, and that everything will be okay.

To not know about mental health or addictive pain.

To not know what it feels like to give up, or be given up on.

To not have to watch my every word before it even becomes a thought.

I’d give anything to feel these ways, or to feel nothing like I feel now a days.

Happy National Fried chicken & Chaos Never Dies Day!!! November 9th

Who is it that keeps us going?

The rock.

The stone.

The glue that keeps the pieces together.

The beds would not be made,

Homework would not be done,

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Teeth would not be brushed, faces left unclean & eyes would never leave the screens.

Dishes might be done, but not put away-

Dinner would be made, but sit out for days and days.

Laundry might be clean, but not folded nor put in it’s right places…

If mom wasn’t here – there’s be so many empty spaces.

Coats and sheets would stay dirty,

So would the floors.

Never mind the shower- the toilet bowl would be a horror.

Love would still be given,

Love would still be felt,

But questions would be ignored & everything would melt…

Books would go unread and maybe things would go unsaid –

Like Mama keeps every household going – even when she’s no longer glowing.

Home alone…. “ After all these years”…

1st installment of the Home Alone series-

This is completely unrelated to the Home Alone Franchise, The Walt Disney Company, Disney+, 20th Century Studios, 21st Century Fox, or any other Big Name producers, Studios, etc – that sound slightly different but are all pretty much the same company.

America Runs on Stay at Home Moms, they we are the ones who run on Dunkin’. The world in its entirety, runs on sahm’s. We keep the wheels turning in our homes, and we are the wheels of our families.

I’m not taking away from providers, however, they run on us too (yah, I know how it sounds). However, some SAHM’s do a lot of the providing themselves too.

I’ve been told many times that Most Moms do not have the ability to be a SAHM. That, Most working moms would kill to be a SAHM. It’s made to sound like being a SAHM is the easiest, most luxurious job in existence.

Yet, there is no Placement Test for being a SAHM. There is no training, no instruction manuals or how-to- Guides on being a Mom, never mind a Stay at home Mom.

It almost sounds like being a SAHM is a Career path, a goal that one should strive for in Life.

 Don't mistake my words, not yet at least.

As if being a SAHM isn’t the oldest job in the history of “jobs”, next to that of the “sex worker“.

See what Merriam has to say about that 

As if women didn’t spend decades, no centuries, fighting for the right to leave the home, go after their dreams, and have goals and aspirations of their own.

As if being a SAHM does not effect the Mental Health, the Wellness, and the overall Health in general, of a woman.

There is no rule book that tells you where and when this road leads to. All we know is that when our kids are 5, they go to Kindergarten. What we don’t know though, is when our “Job” as a stay at home parent, ends.

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Having a SAHM is in fact one of the Greatest Gifts that a family can be blessed with. It is one of the most Selfless, whole hearted, Thankless Gifts that we can give to our family. Having a SAHM can alleviate lots of additional family stressors too, like having to send your children to Daycare, or paying for additional child-care for before and after school.

Many kids will say that they’d prefer having one Stay at home Parent. One who will can chaperone every field trip, make it to every practice, and be at every game and every play without having to dip into their weekly income. One who can drop them off at school, and then be there to pick them up after school. All of those things are beneficial to us as well, because if we were working, we wouldn’t get to do all the things.

There are countless benefits and advantages to being a SAHM, as there are countless drawbacks and disadvantages too.

Being a SAHM, is a Gift. It is a blessing, and truly, one of the most selfless acts of love. It is instinctual and comes natural to most women, but it does not come to us free of charge.

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It is a gift to have the ability to be there the moment your children wake up in the morning, until the very minute they go to sleep at night.

It is a gift to be able to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all from the very Kitchen of your own home, for everyone, every.single.day if you really want to.

It is a Gift to be able to hang out with your Toddler at the park at any time of day that you want, or go stroll around the mall aimlessly with your toddler in tow (money permitting) .

It is a Gift to be able to sit home, binge watching Netflix series after Netflix series, Movie after Movie, while your children run amuck together around the house, or even better, while they’re in school.

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It is a gift to be able to wash, dry, and Fold, your laundry all in the same day while simultaneously watching TV and playing with your kids.

Did I mention that being a SAHM is a Gift?

You can do anything you want to do when your a SAHM, really. However, the one thing you should know is, you should Not sit around doing whatever the hell you want to do every single day. You should Not do whatever the hell you want to do, especially if you want to do nothing.

Maybe the first year, sure, that would could be self acceptable, for a little while anyways. At least until all of your children are school aged, then you might not be as self accepting of your choices as you would have hoped.

Then it could have already become just another one of your bad habits.

The worst drawback of it all? You might happen to lose yourself. You may feel in the moments that, this is your purpose. That being a SAHM is your life, and, well, it is, but it’s not all of your life. There needs to be more. There needs to be hobby’s, skills and long term Goals. There needs to be a plan of action set into place for the day you are released of your stay at home duties.

People are always reminding us of how, “It goes by in the blink of an eye”, or to, “Enjoy them now cause’ it isn’t gonna be like this for long,” and as a society, we’ve come to accept that, some even embracing it.

It is human nature to expect things to happen the way they’re always supposed to happened. It is in some humans nature, more than others to be prepared, and or, to challenge what others would expect.

The day your youngest child goes to Kindergarten is a bitter sweet experience, more bitter if you are unprepared for what is going to happen all day.

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Today – I’m home alone, for the first time in over a decade- I do not have to do a damn THING ALL DAY if I don’t want to, but I should, right?

One might say that I’m an over-thinker – and I am – and during these school days, I’ve found myself wasting the hours away in worry. Worrying about what’s next for me. My thoughts race 90MPH from here to there and all over the place. Do I go back to school? Do I apply for a part time job? Do I want a career? Do I ever want to work? Do I want to open my own business? Doing what? Am I crafty enough? Am I good enough? Am I present enough? Do I spend enough time with my kids? Do I do enough? Do I do too much? Should I slow down? How do I slow down but speed up?? Why are there fruit flies in my kitchen? I should probably shower in the morning… What am I gonna make for dinner? Am I meditating for too long? Not long enough? Am I doing too much?

We are not alone. There are many of us who are lost, or just think we are lost. There are many of us over thinking every decision we have to make no matter how big or small.

Just for today I will quiet my thoughts, and be here, home alone.

You could ….

Oh the things you could do, if you felt the way about me, that I feel about you.

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By Queenie

You could feel the way I feel,

You could hurt the way I hurt,

You could want the way crave,

You could need the way I need you,

You could love, the way that I love you

And even want all of the same things too.

You could wish the things I wish,

You could cry over someone, the way I cry over you-

You could want commitment the way I want it too,

You could do all of these things,

This I know is true –

But only if you were with someone new

Cause I know you’ll never feel the same about me, as I feel about you.

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You could

    Being in Recovery feels

    Being in Recovery feels like someone took a Permanent Marker and drew all over your face and all over every important document with your name.

    It feels like it’s a brand.

    Sometimes.

    Sometimes, in recovery- it feels as though things will never get better.

    You might feel like your running up a hill– and every time you finally see the top, a big gust of fucks-with-your-life – blows you back to the bottom.

    E v e r y time you feel hopeful; that gust blows you back to your place.

    It can be so defeating.

    There are days where you might ask yourself, “ Why do I bother? Why am I here?”. Or maybe your stuck in the, “why me?” Phase, again.

    Some days you might find yourself blankly staring at walls, as if your reading a cheat sheet for life. Really your just staring emptily.

    Hungry for something more.. but afraid you’ll have to eat it.

    That could mean so many things.

    You could be so many things.

    This is just another test.

    Everything is just a test, how can’t we always see that??

    It’s all about knowing the right answer. It’s not about learning no- more . We did plenty of that before.

    It doesn’t always come right away, and sometimes you won’t even notice.

    Little by little good things will happen, you have to pay attention.

    You can behave and be clean, be sober and walk the straight and narrow – but if your not making moves, you are not going to move any differently than you were.

    You might sit and binge Netflix, Hulu or prime, you might wake up everyday for breakfast and not commit a single crime- but if your avoiding the things you shouldn’t, than your only wasting your own precious time.

    I can say this because I know it, because I do it myself all the time.

    And I “beat myself up” , while I’m ignoring my phones chime.

    Than I feel like I’m doing something, because I’m sitting here Writing, and I know that I can rhyme.

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    Any who; in recovery, life can be fine.

    You were stuck in your ways that are hard to move on from .

    It’s easy to change who you are when your doing nothing good and throwing your life away.

    It’s not easy to change when you have to come back from that.

    Did you know you’d never be able to go back to who you were before??

    People say it, and you hear it but what do they know?

    You can do anything; be anyone you want.

    Until you can’t. Until you won’t.

    Climb the ladder, no matter how tall. Don’t even worry about every time you fall.

    Sometimes life will surprise you, it happened to me today.

    I was accepted by someone important who gave me a leadership place.

    She looked at me, not past me – she gave me so much of her time.

    I cannot explain the feeling I had. My heart was jumping; I felt A rush of sadness and with tears brought such a smile. A light.

    A laugh.

    It’s not always rainbows and mostly it’s clouds … but sometimes the sun is only just behind a tree – you just need to move a little more and get a better line of site.

    xO. truthmom

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