I did it! It’s over … we got through it – I survived the panic
Things that should come easy, should be easy enough, that aren’t. That don’t. Mental health? Self care? I forgot the importance.
Sometimes , a lot of times… i feel super useless at staying home.
I cannot simply sit and play or run around playing pretend with my child all day, or I won’t get anything done around the house ( tried & true for over and throughout a decade , I swear 🤚🏻)
I can’t sit on the computer / laptop/ phone, all day trying to work on / set up & market my business and blogs , putting all my energy into an entry, or a design, a project. Because I do that. And when I do, I feel as though I’ve wasted another day and another dollar. Literally. And I feel rushed and awful by dinner.
I cannot run around the house cleaning up after my toddler, or my school age kids all day because I just DONT. Maybe I just don’t WANT to do that anymore…
Or run around washing, drying, folding, putting away, all the laundry, dishes, work tools, project , etc.
Cuz I don’t want to do that either ; even though I really really should –
I mainly walk around my house in in circles.
Going from one thing to another,
From creating a product and design to folding the mountain of laundry I’ve created.
I go from building my site online, to playing store with my toddler.
I go from vacuuming, to cleaning up a huge liquid spill, usually on a carpet in my living room, or all over a wall, and in all the hard to reach/ even harder to clean, cracks, crevices & corners. In between appliances, and down the sides of the oven.
I go from packing some products, listing them online, packing a shipment, and putting it all out there, to literally crawling around the living room floor with my toddler, a flashlight in one hand, and a grabber in the other, face pressed against the carpet , trying to reach all the toys that my toddler has lost in the depths of there whoever knows when, but now MUST have them.
I smoke a cigarette ( I need to quit, I have the patches , I’m quitting.) – and while I’m smoking have to run in to help in the potty, change the channel, look at a block creation, or to just “ watch this”.
God there is just stuff everywhere. I just want to be “in the moment” with my toddler while I still can.
I want to be less impatient. Less rushed.
More patient, more steady.
Slow it down, but keep up.
I just want y’all to know- that today, I do not know how to get there. Not yet.
But I’m working on it. I’m trying.
Bare with me.
I’m truly Sorry if you don’t like it, it’s only the truth.
I’m trying to be the best mother, maybe I am then.
Read more , the rest of this story NOW @
- da truth mommy
The 4 sets of completely different, 100% unique, gorgeous, soul reaching, all seeing eyes that I have watching me constantly, think that I am the best. …. Well, most of the time.
My preteen who is going on 30, does but won’t admit it. She wants to hate me.
Isn’t that what teenage girls eventually do?? Hate their moms for a minute?
Great. I cannot wait to go through that over and over and over again. What about boys?
Do boys always love their mamas? They say that- but it hasn’t rang true in my family. I have brothers. I’ve seen cycles, stages, phases… I’m terrified. 👀
No, but really though, my kids mostly think that I’m “da bomb dot com”. Yes, they for real say that. ✊🏻👊🏻🤞🏻
I just feel like I can do better. I want to do better. Of COURSE my kids will think that of me. I think I’d really have to be a MONSTER for them to think otherwise, right?
I don’t even want to deal right now- but I have to go take care of this.
I have to do all the things that I don’t want to do. I’m here. I am alive and well, and Im beyond blessed to have my super large, loving , happy, healthy family to take care of. It’s my why.
This is the truth today.
It was not very hard for many of us to say goodbye to 2020. I know a handful of people, some who have not stayed up to watch the ball drop in decades, yet this year they had to. They had to literally watch 2020 leave, open the door for it, and SO excitedly WAVE GOODBYE to 2020 and hugely welcome in 2021. There were no such theatrics in my home, not by me anyways. I won’t be so excited like that until I can get out of this damn house!
Today is the 4th day of 2021; January 4th, 2021. The last time there was any type of uninterrupted normalcy around these parts, was in March of 2020. Yes, I know that Covid started long before the date of March 12th 2020, (the last normal school day for my children&I), but only then is when we were personally affected by the global pandemic. As far as I can tell you. It all sort of brings me back, back to 9-11-01. To this day I can still remember exactly where I was,( 7th grade), the classroom I was in, (History on the yellow team), the teachers NAME (Mr. Goodell), and all the rest of what went down on that horrific, nightmare of a day, in the United States. I remember by the time I got home, I was so afraid. We lived in Boston Ma, not in New York, so why was I so scared?
I remember those 2 days, better than any thing else I can remember from that long ago. However, this is much Larger. This is a global wide pandemic. I think of it is as the Plague of our time.
Another event that I can clearly remember, was in the 4th grade. I lived in Rhode Island that year and that year only, Lincoln RI. I do not remember anything about the school I was in, what the classsrooms looked like, or even what a normal day in my life was like back then, but I do remember the very serious bomb threat that my school received on one very disgustingly hot, humid day. The caller had said that there was X amount of bombs hidden throughout the schools. I remember the weather because the entire school had to evacuate the building, along with 2 or 3 other schools in the area. We stood outside in the humid air for HOURS, waiting for the bomb squad, and my at the time best friend Natasha, actually nearly fainted due to the humidity, but the nurse said she collapsed and called it a day. Thinking back on it, they were creating some type of distraction, or other, by not only confusing US KIDS, but also our parents, relatives, and anyone else, by holding us outside, yet not yet telling any families of the going ons yet, and later that day, once we were released ( I want to say it was approaching nightfall at that point), they sent us all on random routes on random buses and drove us around for another hour or 3, shuffling us all over. To say that My mother was PISSED, would be a large understatement. She had no idea where I was for the majority of the day! Does anyone else remember this?? That day was not anywhere near as scary, traumatic, threatening, dangerous ETC- as this, no, but it does put into perspective the things we may remember into adulthood, and how we perceive these events as children.
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