To Give up

I am a fighter. I’ve found that fighting is what I do the most. What I do the best. It’s not that I want to be a fighter. I don’t like to have to fight for everything. I don’t even realize it when I’m doing it. It’s just what it is.

If someone takes from me, I want it back. I will get it back. I will do every possible thing in my power, to get said thing back.

I’m sure of that. I don’t give up ever. If I do happen to fall short though, it is not for very long. So I just say instead that I do not ever give up. I will never give up.

Dramatic as it may sound. It is cold hard truth, bruh.

I’ve been fighting this way for 12 solid years now. But it feels like forever.

I fight for what I want. I make it a point to get it.

Whats the whole point of everything anyways?

Does it really mean that much if you can just take it? Is it even important to you? Does it really vibe with you, call to you?

Yeah, Fight or Flight is human nature, its instinct – for every friggin situation. Right?

Fight, Flight, or Bite your tongue? That’s basically flight?

I know all that has been said, but maybe sometimes I give way too little credit.But,- Well, what are the options? What does giving up consist of anyway?

I guess it must be different for everyone though, obviously.

I mean, giving up for me could also be a lot of things. Just, when I’m having a crappy day, I think of that, like.. “ugh I give up”, “I’m loosing it”, “I’m all done.” Like, what do I even mean by those things?

I’m not friggin done with life. I just give up hah. I can’t go use drugs. Not that I want to but I mean, that’d be a form of giving up for me.

Can I run away though??

No.. haha although, I wish. *silly faces*

I’m playing! Gotta lighten up my mood some way or another. Whats up with you tonight? How was your day? Anyone have a different theory/ opinion? I’d love to hear it :]

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If someone takes from me, I want it back. I will get it back. I will do every possible thing in my power, to get said thing back.

I’m sure of that. I don’t give up ever. If I do happen to fall short though, it is not for very long. So I just say instead that I do not ever give up. I will never give up.

Dramatic as it may sound. It is cold hard truth, bruh.

I’ve been fighting this way for 12 solid years now. But it feels like forever.

I fight for what I want. I make it a point to get it.

Whats the whole point of everything anyways?

Does it really mean that much if you can just take it? Is it even important to you? Does it really vibe with you, call to you?

Yeah, Fight or Flight is human nature, its instinct – for every friggin situation. Right?

Fight, Flight, or Bite your tongue? That’s basically flight?

I know all that has been said, but maybe sometimes I give way too little credit.But,- Well, what are the options? What does giving up consist of anyway?

I guess it must be different for everyone though, obviously.

I’m not friggin done with life. I just give up hah. I can’t go use drugs. Not that I want to but I mean, that’d be a form of giving up for me.

Can I run away though??

No.. haha although, I wish. *silly faces*

I’m playing! Gotta lighten up my mood some way or another. Whats up with you tonight? How was your day? Anyone have a different theory/ opinion? I’d love to hear it :]Name(required)Email(required)Please rate our website(required)

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Ancestors Theory PT 1

January 18th, 2021

If one of my ancestors who came and went long before I, were to stumble upon my journal, open it, and begin reading aloud a page at random… they would be enraptured by what was before them, the spelling, the terminology, the meaning and matters… that is… if they could read it…

” As I sit on my front porch rocker and rock, I impatiently await my door dashers arrival, as I cannot fathom smoking a cigarette in one hand, without a coffee in the other… *bing*, its my apple watch… ‘ you’re dasher is en route’ “

image

What do you think they would make of that? Would they believe my ‘dasher’ to be my, courter? Or would they think I was speaking of some new form of travel, like a newly found reindeer that will pick me up? Would they think I was waiting and watching to catch the little thief down the street who seconds as a ding dong ditcher? What about my watch? My all knowing, fortune telling, shape of an apple, watch. I’m sure they’d probably think… lazy American!!! haha no but really.

Wouldn’t that be interesting?

*ancestor turns the page*

” I could still be sitting in my bed, binge watching the latest episodes of my favorite series, on Netflix or Hulu. I could be searching through amazon to find my next best new thing. Or watching the stock market to make sure my newest investment hasn’t completely sunken ship.”

Searching the amazon? Apple ,fortune telling, all knowing watch? Reindeer that deliver and talk? LAZY GIRL YOU NOT WOMAN!!!

I don’t even know if they’d make it a day in this time, just as I don’t know if I’d make it a day in their time. What do you think your ancestors would say? The ones you never knew. What do you think would be the MOST interesting, yet at the same time the most confusing, thing to them?

What about our lost loved ones? I don’t just mean an ancestor either, I mean friends, family, etc, loved ones we’ve lost. The ones who were here in our time. The ones who were seeing the world evolve. The ones who took their last breath far sooner than we would have liked, hoped.

What if you had 1 day with a lost one of your choice, but you couldn’t tell them that they had passed away? You had to go on as if it were a normal day, and they were still here in your life, today and always. It would be possible, because this is just a story...or a theory… so don’t worry about the details. Don’t even worry about, the living arrangements, how they got to you, or having to explain any of that to them, or having to catch them up on all the time they’ve missed. Forget that. As much as I would love to know all about heaven, I couldn’t ask. It wouldn’t be fair, or enough. Would it? When would it be enough? What would be enough?

How about a day with that ancestor who got their hands on your journal?? What if you could spend 24 hours with that ancestor that you’ve never met? What would you want to know? What would you want to show them?? I’m sure if your ancestor is George Washington or Good Ole Abe, they’d seize war on…. SOMEONE!! US??

I was just watching the movie ” RADIUM GIRLS”, A 2018 Film based on a true story, true events, from the 1920’s. That’s sort of why my mind came here. I’ve got to run out now though, but I do have more to say, on this. I’m intrigued.

So if your interested in the rest, or even if you just liked this post, leave a comment!! Please? Tell me what you think!! I want to interact with A real audience, A public audience. I want to bring in more opinions, facts, stories, theories, ETC!! I wrote more on this post, but I just took it away & saved as a draft for a rainy day!!! I’ll post more soon. Chat later 🙂

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My Everyday challenges

Things that should come easy, should be easy enough, that aren’t. That don’t. Mental health? Self care? I forgot the importance.

Sometimes , a lot of times… i feel super useless at staying home.
I cannot simply sit and play or run around playing pretend with my child all day, or I won’t get anything done around the house ( tried & true for over and throughout a decade , I swear 🤚🏻)
I can’t sit on the computer / laptop/ phone, all day trying to work on / set up & market my business and blogs , putting all my energy into an entry, or a design, a project. Because I do that. And when I do, I feel as though I’ve wasted another day and another dollar. Literally. And I feel rushed and awful by dinner.
I cannot run around the house cleaning up after my toddler, or my school age kids all day because I just DONT. Maybe I just don’t WANT to do that anymore…
Or run around washing, drying, folding, putting away, all the laundry, dishes, work tools, project , etc.
Cuz I don’t want to do that either ; even though I really really should –

I mainly walk around my house in in circles.
Going from one thing to another,
From creating a product and design to folding the mountain of laundry I’ve created.
I go from building my site online, to playing store with my toddler.
I go from vacuuming, to cleaning up a huge liquid spill, usually on a carpet in my living room, or all over a wall, and in all the hard to reach/ even harder to clean, cracks, crevices & corners. In between appliances, and down the sides of the oven.

I go from packing some products, listing them online, packing a shipment, and putting it all out there, to literally crawling around the living room floor with my toddler, a flashlight in one hand, and a grabber in the other, face pressed against the carpet , trying to reach all the toys that my toddler has lost in the depths of there whoever knows when, but now MUST have them.
I smoke a cigarette ( I need to quit, I have the patches , I’m quitting.) – and while I’m smoking have to run in to help in the potty, change the channel, look at a block creation, or to just “ watch this”.

God there is just stuff everywhere. I just want to be “in the moment” with my toddler while I still can.

I want to be less impatient. Less rushed.
More patient, more steady.
Slow it down, but keep up.

I just want y’all to know- that today, I do not know how to get there. Not yet.
But I’m working on it. I’m trying.

Bare with me.

I’m truly Sorry if you don’t like it, it’s only the truth.
I’m trying to be the best mother, maybe I am then.

Read more , the rest of this story NOW @
http://www.truthmommy.com

da truth mommy

The 4 sets of completely different, 100% unique, gorgeous, soul reaching, all seeing eyes that I have watching me constantly, think that I am the best. …. Well, most of the time.
My preteen who is going on 30, does but won’t admit it. She wants to hate me.Isn’t that what teenage girls eventually do?? Hate their moms for a minute?

Great. I cannot wait to go through that over and over and over again. What about boys?

Do boys always love their mamas? They say that- but it hasn’t rang true in my family. I have brothers. I’ve seen cycles, stages, phases… I’m terrified. 👀

No, but really though, my kids mostly think that I’m “da bomb dot com”. Yes, they for real say that. ✊🏻👊🏻🤞🏻

I just feel like I can do better. I want to do better. Of COURSE my kids will think that of me. I think I’d really have to be a MONSTER for them to think otherwise, right?

I don’t even want to deal right now- but I have to go take care of this.

I have to do all the things that I don’t want to do. I’m here. I am alive and well, and Im beyond blessed to have my super large, loving , happy, healthy family to take care of. It’s my why.

This is the truth today.