is it the lighting??
Something in the air!!
is it the lighting??
Something in the air!!
What I would give to go back in time today, right now & be the little girl who didn’t truly understand the lyrics to some of my favorite songs..
The songs I sang the words to with such harmless, aimless compassion …
What I’d give to not feel the words to every song so deeply inside of my soul, because I get it.
What id give to be put to bed by such love and such inner peace, and to wake up feeling genuinely reset and worthy. A brand new day.
To be told that I don’t understand something yet, and really, truly & innocently NOT understand it.
To believe everything without needing proof.
To trust and believe in love, and that everything will be okay.
To not know about mental health or addictive pain.
To not know what it feels like to give up, or be given up on.
To not have to watch my every word before it even becomes a thought.
I’d give anything to feel these ways, or to feel nothing like I feel now a days.
The glue that keeps the pieces together.
The beds would not be made,
Homework would not be done,
Teeth would not be brushed, faces left unclean & eyes would never leave the screens.
Dishes might be done, but not put away-
Dinner would be made, but sit out for days and days.
Laundry might be clean, but not folded nor put in it’s right places…
If mom wasn’t here – there’s be so many empty spaces.
Coats and sheets would stay dirty,
So would the floors.
Never mind the shower- the toilet bowl would be a horror.
Love would still be given,
Love would still be felt,
But questions would be ignored & everything would melt…
Books would go unread and maybe things would go unsaid –
Like Mama keeps every household going – even when she’s no longer glowing.
There is a reason I choose to write about Impulse Control Disorder today.
I’ve always been a wicked impulsive person. It’s primitive. It may have even gotten worse with age. Maybe. However, I’ve never really
been able to, tried to understand it.
It’s not easy to wrap your head around something that you cannot visibly see. Society wants us to just accept things for what they are because they say so. However, not everything. How can I accept something when I can’t even understand it? I’ve never been one to want to do the work, the research, I just want the know, the knowledge. Instant Gratification.
The word impulsive, derives from the word impulse.
Being a person who acts on impulse, or an impulsive person, means one that acts before, or without thinking about it. “Acting or Done without forethought.”
Let’s shine a little light on a part of society who needs to know they are not alone.
Impulse control Disorder is a behavioral disorder, one where the person really has no control over their behavior. Triggers can be things like anger, sadness, fear, or an overwhelming amount of uncontrollable emotions.
Having emotional overloads – Not knowing where to put your feelings, or who to be mad at. So you may seem like your mad at everyone– including the wrong people. Including Yourself.
Most impulse control disorders are initially apparent during childhood or adolescence. They can still be evident during adulthood. Acts of defiance and anger can be attributed to normal child development. Those with impulse control disorders will exhibit longer-lasting episodes of aggressive behavior.
Impulse control disorders tend to share four specific commonalities:
When impulse control disorders go untreated, they can impact the person’s quality of life. Many can result in legal problems or financial ruin.
This my friends is tough. It’s a hard pill to swallow.So grab your tall glass of ice water, or your medium hot coffee from Dunkin’, and take it down.
No, but really!! This stuff really makes my chest tighten, my heart feel squeezed. Nightmares may or may not be made of this stuff.
Visit First Light Recovery’s (FLR) website to find self quiz’s, blogs, help lines, phone numbers, programs, contacts , and so much more IFY!!
Below, you’ll find a list of some of the different types of impulse control disorders, accompanied by a brief description of each type. This list was copied directly from the website of First Light Recovery. You can find it here.
Conduct disorder is a pattern of aggressive behavior towards others. These behaviors include breaking the rules at home, in school, and among their peers. Rule violations can be severe. Behaviors that cause harm to others, such as bullying and cruelty to animals, can be a part of this disorder.
Trichotillomania is when a person obsessively and intentionally pulls out their hair. It is significant enough that the loss of hair is noticeable. Ultimately, the condition can lead to social isolation and occupational disability. Trichotillomania is considered to be an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Pyromania is an impulse control disorder where the person has an uncontrollable urge to set fires. They are aware of the damage this behavior can cause, but that doesn’t stop them. Pyromaniacs usually have a fascination with fire and watching things burn. They do not set fires to destroy things intentionally but experience relief from lighting things on fire.
Compulsive sexual behavior, also known as sex addiction, is an overwhelming preoccupation with sex. This behavior includes masturbation, promiscuity, pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or fetishes. In small doses, these behaviors can be relatively healthy; however, for a sex addict, they become obsessive.
Over time, sex addiction becomes more of a means of reducing anxiety than seeking pleasure. This disorder can cause distress, destroy relationships, and potentially lead to social, occupational, financial, and legal consequences.
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is most commonly seen in childhood. It primarily involves defiance, uncooperative behavior, or anger directed at those in positions of authority. Every child will naturally show mild forms of these behaviors. A diagnosis of ODD will come when this behavior lasts longer than six months and interferes with the child’s daily interactions. While ODD is treatable, it can later evolve into conduct disorder if it goes untreated.
Kleptomania is an uncontrollable urge to steal things. Most of the time, the things taken are not things that the kleptomaniac needs. They are usually items that are small and carry very little value.
This impulsive control disorder is considered to be rare and incurable. Treatment has been shown to end the cycle of this compulsion.
Compulsive gambling is also known as pathological gambling or gambling disorder. It is an uncontrollable urge to keep gambling even when it is ruining a person’s life.
Compulsive gamblers will keep gambling until they have emptied their savings and are in debt. They have been known to steal money or write bad checks to be able to keep gambling. This disorder can destroy relationships and leave the compulsive gambler in financial ruin.
Another fact is that its pretty common for individuals with ICD to also have substance abuse disorder. This is what we call co-occurrence or comorbidity to 2 conditions.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) estimates that approximately half of those with substance use disorder also have a mental illness.
Individuals with impulse control disorders may start abusing substances to self-medicate. Unfortunately, their tendency towards compulsive behavior can translate to an addiction to illegal drugs or alcohol. In some cases, impulse control disorders lead to substance abuse, while in other cases, the opposite is true.
Learning about Mental Health is important, at any and ALL ages. I say we treat mental health as a Subject in school, and touch base with it in the most age appropriate way possible behind school doors.
They may think that feeding us this knowledge gives us a dictionary of excuses for poor or bad behaviors- but if we know and learn this stuff right from the get – we can potentially avoid and or resist the natural urges we have to push our limits and see what we can get away with.
Be a part of the conversation, share your story, or share this article to your page today!! Let’s give em something to talk about!
National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) - Comorbidity - Substance abuse Disorders & Mental Health
Mayo Clinic on condition called Kleptomania
Mayo Clinic . org - Compulsive Sexual Behaviors
Mayo Clinic. org - Intermittent Explosive Disorder
WebMD - on Comorbidity
Do I have OCD? OCD Self Test by First Light Recovery
You could feel the way I feel,
You could hurt the way I hurt,
You could want the way crave,
You could need the way I need you,
You could love, the way that I love you
And even want all of the same things too.
You could wish the things I wish,
You could cry over someone, the way I cry over you-
You could want commitment the way I want it too,
You could do all of these things,
This I know is true –
But only if you were with someone new
Cause I know you’ll never feel the same about me, as I feel about you.
Read more of this content when you subscribe today.
Being in Recovery feels like someone took a Permanent Marker and drew all over your face and all over every important document with your name.
It feels like it’s a brand.
Sometimes, in recovery- it feels as though things will never get better.
You might feel like your running up a hill– and every time you finally see the top, a big gust of fucks-with-your-life – blows you back to the bottom.
E v e r y time you feel hopeful; that gust blows you back to your place.
It can be so defeating.
There are days where you might ask yourself, “ Why do I bother? Why am I here?”. Or maybe your stuck in the, “why me?” Phase, again.
Some days you might find yourself blankly staring at walls, as if your reading a cheat sheet for life. Really your just staring emptily.
Hungry for something more.. but afraid you’ll have to eat it.
That could mean so many things.
You could be so many things.
This is just another test.
Everything is just a test, how can’t we always see that??
It’s all about knowing the right answer. It’s not about learning no- more . We did plenty of that before.
It doesn’t always come right away, and sometimes you won’t even notice.
Little by little good things will happen, you have to pay attention.
You can behave and be clean, be sober and walk the straight and narrow – but if your not making moves, you are not going to move any differently than you were.
You might sit and binge Netflix, Hulu or prime, you might wake up everyday for breakfast and not commit a single crime- but if your avoiding the things you shouldn’t, than your only wasting your own precious time.
I can say this because I know it, because I do it myself all the time.
And I “beat myself up” , while I’m ignoring my phones chime.
Than I feel like I’m doing something, because I’m sitting here Writing, and I know that I can rhyme.
Any who; in recovery, life can be fine.
You were stuck in your ways that are hard to move on from .
It’s easy to change who you are when your doing nothing good and throwing your life away.
It’s not easy to change when you have to come back from that.
Did you know you’d never be able to go back to who you were before??
People say it, and you hear it but what do they know?
You can do anything; be anyone you want.
Until you can’t. Until you won’t.
Climb the ladder, no matter how tall. Don’t even worry about every time you fall.
Sometimes life will surprise you, it happened to me today.
I was accepted by someone important who gave me a leadership place.
She looked at me, not past me – she gave me so much of her time.
I cannot explain the feeling I had. My heart was jumping; I felt A rush of sadness and with tears brought such a smile. A light.
It’s not always rainbows and mostly it’s clouds … but sometimes the sun is only just behind a tree – you just need to move a little more and get a better line of site.
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If only I could have come to you. Like they do in the movies… from the future. Things would be different. Maybe
I’d we’d be happy.
Maybe I could’ve prevented a lot of heartache, pain, & suffering.
I’d have told you that you look beautiful. All the time. I’d have told you that you cannot depend on anyone – ever. Except for you.
You can’t wait around expecting everyone else to take care of you. Even if they do. You still have to have the ability to do things yourself and for yourself.
Trying your hardest isn’t for anyone else- in the moment, yeah maybe- but in the long run, it’s all for you.
It’s you your proving yourself to. It’s you that wants to see you do great things. It’s you that wants you to achieve great things and become great things… & it is You who should learn from your mistakes.
In the long run, the only person rooting for you is you. Yea you might have your own personal Cheerleaders cheering you on, but they
don’t can’t care as much as you do, about you.
I’d have told you that it really doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. It REALLY DOES NOT!!! I would Even pinky swear it & Seal it with a Kiss.
I’d have agreed that yes, self affirmations do seem and sound silly; like a silly thing to do, and that your metabolism is even sillier – but to believe in both.
I’d have told you to Enjoy your young body while you have it, and to have it for as long as you can- I’d have told you that it really is Your Sacred Space- that way you could enjoy every stage that follows youth.
That way you didn’t hold onto things with such a death-like grip.
That way, it was easier for you to move on.
That way, letting go and moving on don’t become the most impossible, Soul crushing , Feats that never fail to break you from the very core of your spirit.
I’d have told you to believe them. Believe every compliment you’ll ever receive – Even if you don’t believe the person giving it.
I’d have told you to Always be Loyal, especially to yourself. That way, when someone else truly deserves your loyalty, you’ll give it without a second thought. Like Second Nature.
That way, you aren’t too busy being loyal to the ones who aren’t loyal to you. That way, you don’t spend half of your life questioning why someone is loyal to you. That way, you don’t break your heart, and a heart that isn’t yours.
I’d tell you to always Cherish the people who have your back. Even if they don’t always have it. Cherish them, but do not come to Rely on them.
I’d tell you that you are Worthy and Deserving of love, happiness, and all things good, but that life isn’t always just those things.
I’d tell you that in order to matter you have to make a difference, and in order to make a difference, you have to matter. Or at least it will feel that way.
I’d tell You to sprinkle bits and pieces of you, everywhere you go. Leaving parts of you behind. In the places that need you. In the places you’ll matter.
I’d tell you that your going to want to leave behind a Legacy bigger than anything you’d ever do.
So I’d ask you if you could please start working on that now.
I’d tell you that, the way things are going now, by the time you turn 30, you’ll feel empty- Even filled with all that you’ll know. You’ll feel bad. Like something is Missing. Dooomed. Afraid even.
Journey through the mind of our Mental Health Warrior’s and their Thoughts.
I spent half of my life wearing black on my toes and only black clothes -You’d have thought that maybe Death was a type of lifestyle, and one that I chose. With a ring in my nose I’d watch only Crime shows and listen to black crows. I’ve stuck straws up my nose and drank straight from the hose – and there was also a time I tried to make little girls’ bows, and design my own kinds of clothes – and although maybe nobody knows, My love, I tried to never oppose. I’ve lived where it snows and during a time where guys called ladies hos- and day after day, we continued to live, all while the things we love decompose. In the ground we are planted, and even still, nothing grows. Why couldn’t we grow the same way as a Rose? And Why when we’re pregnant, do they say our skin glows? The Baby is taking everything, except for your troubles and woes. So really, Truly, the answers nobody even knows. But we still continue on, alongside our friends and even our foes. Over and over, it’s just how it goes – and now my friends, this thought I will close. At the end of the day, some people think, ” This shit Really Blows”.
Blogger / Mental Health Advocate
Send me your thoughts, stories, poems & experiences. Let’s Travel the Road of Mental Health Healing Together.