is it the lighting??
Something in the air!!
Creating A Legacy That Want's to Be Left. Normalizing the things that no one wants to talk about.
is it the lighting??
Something in the air!!
What I would give to go back in time today, right now & be the little girl who didn’t truly understand the lyrics to some of my favorite songs..
The songs I sang the words to with such harmless, aimless compassion …
What I’d give to not feel the words to every song so deeply inside of my soul, because I get it.
What id give to be put to bed by such love and such inner peace, and to wake up feeling genuinely reset and worthy. A brand new day.
To be told that I don’t understand something yet, and really, truly & innocently NOT understand it.
To believe everything without needing proof.
To trust and believe in love, and that everything will be okay.
To not know about mental health or addictive pain.
To not know what it feels like to give up, or be given up on.
To not have to watch my every word before it even becomes a thought.
I’d give anything to feel these ways, or to feel nothing like I feel now a days.
The glue that keeps the pieces together.
The beds would not be made,
Homework would not be done,
Teeth would not be brushed, faces left unclean & eyes would never leave the screens.
Dishes might be done, but not put away-
Dinner would be made, but sit out for days and days.
Laundry might be clean, but not folded nor put in it’s right places…
If mom wasn’t here – there’s be so many empty spaces.
Coats and sheets would stay dirty,
So would the floors.
Never mind the shower- the toilet bowl would be a horror.
Love would still be given,
Love would still be felt,
But questions would be ignored & everything would melt…
Books would go unread and maybe things would go unsaid –
Like Mama keeps every household going – even when she’s no longer glowing.
telling the truth about being a mommy and all of the thrills and trills that come with it! telling m
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Barilla Lasagna Recipe – Insanely GoodBarilla Lasagna Recipe – Insanely Good
After another long and stressful day of worrying, questioning, and pondering thoughts, Dinner time rolls around and I have nothing.Advertisements
I cannot even wrap my brain around the question, ” What is For Dinner tonight?” So I googled quick and easy recipes, and came upon this easy peasy GEM from InsanelyGood.com –
The first, fastest and easiest lasagna I’ve found yet!!!
I packed the kids up and headed to our local grocery store for the supplies. After spending $100 more than I would have liked to, we came home and unloaded / unpacked all the groceries.
By now it was easily 6:30PM, and my DH isn’t a fan of eating dinner after 8PM. ( who is though?)
I hardly even believed myself when I said we wouldn’t be eating that late, but I still made the effort. This recipe did not fall short of everything I had hoped!!Advertisements
My family was all sitting around the table together by 7:35PM, each with a large helping of lasagna in front of them, that they were ALL looking forward to trying!
This recipe was so easy, fun and fast to recreate, it will for sure go down in our book of Epic Easy & Fast Family Friendly dinners and will definitely be one of my new Go-To Week Night Dinners at least Once a month!
Try this recipe yourself? Tell us about it!
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You could feel the way I feel,
You could hurt the way I hurt,
You could want the way crave,
You could need the way I need you,
You could love, the way that I love you
And even want all of the same things too.
You could wish the things I wish,
You could cry over someone, the way I cry over you-
You could want commitment the way I want it too,
You could do all of these things,
This I know is true –
But only if you were with someone new
Cause I know you’ll never feel the same about me, as I feel about you.
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Being in Recovery feels like someone took a Permanent Marker and drew all over your face and all over every important document with your name.
It feels like it’s a brand.
Sometimes, in recovery- it feels as though things will never get better.
You might feel like your running up a hill– and every time you finally see the top, a big gust of fucks-with-your-life – blows you back to the bottom.
E v e r y time you feel hopeful; that gust blows you back to your place.
It can be so defeating.
There are days where you might ask yourself, “ Why do I bother? Why am I here?”. Or maybe your stuck in the, “why me?” Phase, again.
Some days you might find yourself blankly staring at walls, as if your reading a cheat sheet for life. Really your just staring emptily.
Hungry for something more.. but afraid you’ll have to eat it.
That could mean so many things.
You could be so many things.
This is just another test.
Everything is just a test, how can’t we always see that??
It’s all about knowing the right answer. It’s not about learning no- more . We did plenty of that before.
It doesn’t always come right away, and sometimes you won’t even notice.
Little by little good things will happen, you have to pay attention.
You can behave and be clean, be sober and walk the straight and narrow – but if your not making moves, you are not going to move any differently than you were.
You might sit and binge Netflix, Hulu or prime, you might wake up everyday for breakfast and not commit a single crime- but if your avoiding the things you shouldn’t, than your only wasting your own precious time.
I can say this because I know it, because I do it myself all the time.
And I “beat myself up” , while I’m ignoring my phones chime.
Than I feel like I’m doing something, because I’m sitting here Writing, and I know that I can rhyme.
Any who; in recovery, life can be fine.
You were stuck in your ways that are hard to move on from .
It’s easy to change who you are when your doing nothing good and throwing your life away.
It’s not easy to change when you have to come back from that.
Did you know you’d never be able to go back to who you were before??
People say it, and you hear it but what do they know?
You can do anything; be anyone you want.
Until you can’t. Until you won’t.
Climb the ladder, no matter how tall. Don’t even worry about every time you fall.
Sometimes life will surprise you, it happened to me today.
I was accepted by someone important who gave me a leadership place.
She looked at me, not past me – she gave me so much of her time.
I cannot explain the feeling I had. My heart was jumping; I felt A rush of sadness and with tears brought such a smile. A light.
It’s not always rainbows and mostly it’s clouds … but sometimes the sun is only just behind a tree – you just need to move a little more and get a better line of site.
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If only I could have come to you. Like they do in the movies… from the future. Things would be different. Maybe
I’d we’d be happy.
Maybe I could’ve prevented a lot of heartache, pain, & suffering.
I’d have told you that you look beautiful. All the time. I’d have told you that you cannot depend on anyone – ever. Except for you.
You can’t wait around expecting everyone else to take care of you. Even if they do. You still have to have the ability to do things yourself and for yourself.
Trying your hardest isn’t for anyone else- in the moment, yeah maybe- but in the long run, it’s all for you.
It’s you your proving yourself to. It’s you that wants to see you do great things. It’s you that wants you to achieve great things and become great things… & it is You who should learn from your mistakes.
In the long run, the only person rooting for you is you. Yea you might have your own personal Cheerleaders cheering you on, but they
don’t can’t care as much as you do, about you.
I’d have told you that it really doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. It REALLY DOES NOT!!! I would Even pinky swear it & Seal it with a Kiss.
I’d have agreed that yes, self affirmations do seem and sound silly; like a silly thing to do, and that your metabolism is even sillier – but to believe in both.
I’d have told you to Enjoy your young body while you have it, and to have it for as long as you can- I’d have told you that it really is Your Sacred Space- that way you could enjoy every stage that follows youth.
That way you didn’t hold onto things with such a death-like grip.
That way, it was easier for you to move on.
That way, letting go and moving on don’t become the most impossible, Soul crushing , Feats that never fail to break you from the very core of your spirit.
I’d have told you to believe them. Believe every compliment you’ll ever receive – Even if you don’t believe the person giving it.
I’d have told you to Always be Loyal, especially to yourself. That way, when someone else truly deserves your loyalty, you’ll give it without a second thought. Like Second Nature.
That way, you aren’t too busy being loyal to the ones who aren’t loyal to you. That way, you don’t spend half of your life questioning why someone is loyal to you. That way, you don’t break your heart, and a heart that isn’t yours.
I’d tell you to always Cherish the people who have your back. Even if they don’t always have it. Cherish them, but do not come to Rely on them.
I’d tell you that you are Worthy and Deserving of love, happiness, and all things good, but that life isn’t always just those things.
I’d tell you that in order to matter you have to make a difference, and in order to make a difference, you have to matter. Or at least it will feel that way.
I’d tell You to sprinkle bits and pieces of you, everywhere you go. Leaving parts of you behind. In the places that need you. In the places you’ll matter.
I’d tell you that your going to want to leave behind a Legacy bigger than anything you’d ever do.
So I’d ask you if you could please start working on that now.
I’d tell you that, the way things are going now, by the time you turn 30, you’ll feel empty- Even filled with all that you’ll know. You’ll feel bad. Like something is Missing. Dooomed. Afraid even.