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Truth Mommy

Truth Mommy

telling the truth about being a mommy and all of the thrills and trills that come with it! telling my truth, the real whole raw truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

6 days ago

Truth Mommy
Happy Monday to all of you Truth Tellers. To The Fact Finders & the Fairytale Fakers … the Fraudulent Frat boys & the Fictional Forgetters—— [I’ve definitely got more but I’ll stop there for now ] Flavorful Friday’s & Thirsty Thursdays are fun an everything – but where would we be without Motivational Mondays ?!?🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Happy Monday to Moms forgetful Followers – Find us Followers !!!! See MoreSee Less
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xO.

Tmom

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Queenie

Tish

This is what I’d say…

Dear old me, if I could come to you in a Dream, or send a letter to the past, this is what I’d say…

If only I could have come to you. Like they do in the movies… from the future. Things would be different. Maybe I’d we’d be happy.

Maybe I could’ve prevented a lot of heartache, pain, & suffering.

I’d have told you that you look beautiful. All the time. I’d have told you that you cannot depend on anyoneever. Except for you.

You can’t wait around expecting everyone else to take care of you. Even if they do. You still have to have the ability to do things yourself and for yourself.

Trying your hardest isn’t for anyone else- in the moment, yeah maybe- but in the long run, it’s all for you.

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It’s you your proving yourself to. It’s you that wants to see you do great things. It’s you that wants you to achieve great things and become great things… & it is You who should learn from your mistakes.

In the long run, the only person rooting for you is you. Yea you might have your own personal Cheerleaders cheering you on, but they don’t can’t care as much as you do, about you.

I’d have told you that it really doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. It REALLY DOES NOT!!! I would Even pinky swear it & Seal it with a Kiss.

I’d have agreed that yes, self affirmations do seem and sound silly; like a silly thing to do, and that your metabolism is even sillier – but to believe in both.

I’d have told you to Enjoy your young body while you have it, and to have it for as long as you can- I’d have told you that it really is Your Sacred Space- that way you could enjoy every stage that follows youth.

That way you didn’t hold onto things with such a death-like grip.

That way, it was easier for you to move on.

That way, letting go and moving on don’t become the most impossible, Soul crushing , Feats that never fail to break you from the very core of your spirit.

I’d have told you to believe them. Believe every compliment you’ll ever receive – Even if you don’t believe the person giving it.

I’d have told you to Always be Loyal, especially to yourself. That way, when someone else truly deserves your loyalty, you’ll give it without a second thought. Like Second Nature.

That way, you aren’t too busy being loyal to the ones who aren’t loyal to you. That way, you don’t spend half of your life questioning why someone is loyal to you. That way, you don’t break your heart, and a heart that isn’t yours.

I’d tell you to always Cherish the people who have your back. Even if they don’t always have it. Cherish them, but do not come to Rely on them.

I’d tell you that you are Worthy and Deserving of love, happiness, and all things good, but that life isn’t always just those things.

I’d tell you that in order to matter you have to make a difference, and in order to make a difference, you have to matter. Or at least it will feel that way.

I’d tell You to sprinkle bits and pieces of you, everywhere you go. Leaving parts of you behind. In the places that need you. In the places you’ll matter.

I’d tell you that your going to want to leave behind a Legacy bigger than anything you’d ever do.

So I’d ask you if you could please start working on that now.

I’d tell you that, the way things are going now, by the time you turn 30, you’ll feel empty- Even filled with all that you’ll know. You’ll feel bad. Like something is Missing. Dooomed. Afraid even.

The ‘no’ memories …

Ever think of a memory… and while your thinking of it…. Your thinking, or saying out loud …, “ no, no, noopee…” ?

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It can’t only be me.

Are those the bad memories?? The ones our brains want us to forget altogether. The ones we do usually end up forgetting altogether .

It’s like, even though it’s running through my head, maybe even … call it a flashback…. I do not want to think about it now or ever again.

I never really thought of it that way.

But thank you brain, for healing my heart ❣️

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    A thought for the day that I’m struggling with, that I’ve never looked at afar, from FmomB.. xO.

    Introducing… Creative Gems

    When I Grow Up part 1

    By: F-Mombie

     I’m trying to figure this all out. What am I going to be when I grow up?
    I’ve been so many things in these 33 years . I’ve been a baby who needed to be constantly held and taken care of, I didn’t do much besides sleep, eat, cry, repeat. That lasted a short while.
    Then I was a toddler, needing to be taught. Craving constant attention and always so curious. I began by crawling, then talking, walking, all the good stuff.
    After that I was a kid. First I stayed home with mom and learned some more. I colored, and played out scenes with Barbie’s dolls and sculpted play doh. Soon enough, still a kid, I went to school and learned to spell and write for many many years as a kid. Throughout my teenage years, I was still considered a kid. I did more though. I was much much more dependent, and no longer needed constant attention as I had for many years before.
    Eventually , I was a driver. It wasn’t my job, but I did it like it was.
    My first real job and my first real relationship happened simultaneously. My first job was at my local mall. I was an Ice cream Scooper at Friendly’s. I was 15. My first real boyfriend was my “friends” bf first & I really wasn’t even interested and he really wanted her to go away.

    Next I was 17,and I was a coffee maker. I got a job at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts , and worked my way to shift leader. I wasn’t sure if I liked the fit. I wasn’t sure I liked my position, on the other side of the counter, dealing so directly with the public at such a fast pace. Handling their money, and their liquid Gold. I did not know the importance of caffeine to a person at that time. I did not know that I was directly making and providing people with the actual thing that keeps / gets them going.
    At 15/16, I wasn’t sure of anything quite yet, so anytime a friend needed a job, I without a doubt got them one.
    I had no idea the kind of trouble it was going to get me intomore than once.
    I was now a high school graduate and practically a housewife.
    2 years into working behind the counter, handing people their fuel, their liquid gold, I became a teen mom. My body was trying to become a mother .
    For a period of time and Simultaneously with the fore mentioned, I was a thief. Not a real thief, I wouldn’t even say it, but I mean, I stole by allowing my school friend employees to tempt and teach me with the help of my “friends”.
    To “under-ring”; a thing I literally could not understand. I personally couldn’t wrap my brain around the how. So, I let helped them do it, and was rewarded with half at the end of those shifts, at my first 2 jobs.
    I became an accused. Accused for stealing money? That was so not me.
    I didn’t realize… that’s exactly what we were doing. I paid such little attention, that I didn’t realize one of my friends was actually stealing
    from the box, right under my nose.
    I told the truth, took responsibility for what I knew, and defended my “friend” to no end.
    My first and second jobs both went the same, both ended for the same reasons. I knew I didn’t fit there, I needed to try something different.
    At 19 I was a Customer Service Representative at a call center. I spent 9+ hours a day making and taking calls that had to do with Medicare’s A, B,& C, memorizing rebuttals and loopholes. This was my calling, pun intended.
    You’d think By 21, one would be a grown up, and I really truly thought I was. I was finally back in school for a career & thought I had it all figured out. Instead, I was even more confused than before. Being confused really isn’t a bad thing, until it is.
    Continue reading “When I Grow Up part 1”

    Our horrible healthcare system

    That song, “numb little bug”, is like the theme song. It’s what they want us all to be singing…

    Our healthcare system has failed me, more times than I can count. Our justice system has failed me, as well, more than once. However, today-the healthcare system needs to be talked about. I don’t even think they know how bad they are. I know I’m not the only one, so come on!!? Why does this kind of sh?! still happen??

    Later on, sometime soon.. I’m going to post about what happened to me this week. Why I felt targeted. It’s ridiculous, nonsense even. But it was able to ruin my entire day.

    F. MomB
    F. MomB

    Heyy there, I’m FmomBiee! F – Mom-Biie … ya know? Like, Fbomb MomBie [ f bomb mom – zombie mom, it all just fits] pronounced – EFF-MOMB. – EE – my pen name, but I can be whoever you want me to be;]
    Phew, now that that’s out of the way, I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself. As you know, I’m a mom , one who cusses a lot, a mom that can sometimes be compared to a zombie, a mom who cannot stand to get my fingernails dirty in the garden, or even in the kitchen even though those are 2 of my favorite places! Personally, I’m not very creative, so I like to stick to the step-by-step guides for most arts and crafts, and as far as DIY-ing?? pppffttt- Those thing’s never come out the way they are supposed to!! I am not filtered in public and I sure won’t be here on the wide world of webbed lies ;] -That’s just it though, we’re here to make , bring change, to bring Truth. In just a couple of clicks, The World Wide Web is right at the fingertips of our children. They ask Siri or Google a question, and it is instantly met with hundreds of thousands of “results” or, answers. Right ones, wrong ones, irrelevant ones, inappropriate ones, completely unrelated ones, the list goes on. We hope that we can be right there too, at the top of the results, (and not one of the top 4 useless ads), with the best, most accurate information.

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    “My Season”

    February & March used to be my all time favorite months, favorite seasons . If you’d have asked me 20 years ago, what time of year, or which season is my favorite? I’d have told you March. Fast forward 10 years & I’d have called it, ‘ my season.’

    My season’s start and end date may or may not have always been the same, I can’t quite remember, but I do know that it would only slightly depend on the weather of that year. It generally falls somewhere between FebruaryMarch & April, sometimes May 😜. You’d have probably told me I was crazy if you heard me.



    My season wasn’t really based on weather, at least not the way regular seasons are, but by Spirit, by Feeling, by the things I did and the people I saw. For years and years every time my Season came around, came a new group of friends to enjoy it with. Actually, and also for years and years, every time my season came back around, so would some of the same people. It was like, it was our season, our time we had for each other. ( or was it more like… we could only stand each other during these months? This amount of time? )

    Of course, some of these people were Year rounders, and we’d venture out with our seasonal friends together, but the most important part is that this season always brought us a brandy new group of kick a$ people to go do some kick a$ $h!T with!!

    I swear, I had always met the coolest people during my season. I had always had the Most fun I’d had all year, during my season. For years of my life, almost all of my teenager-hood. Not to say that I didn’t have fun, or that I never met new people during the rest of the year, and not to say I hated the rest of the year, because none of that is true. It just so happens, that I made some of the best memories of my life during my season. Because it was my season.

    As a matter of fact, I met some of the most important people in my life, some of my favorite people, in the Summertime. I can still remember some of my favorite memories that took place during the summer, with some of the people that I’ll never ever forget.


    I make my own seasons, and I love every single one of them, I’m just talking about this 1 specific season today because; as much as I loved it almost all my life, I now equally cannot stand it today. I don’t hate the memories or the friends or even the regrettable adventures, ( I don’t regret even the regrettable, not even for a moment, not even the ones in Randolph 😜 ) .

    What I hate is , what it has taken from me.

    A friend, an ex lover, 2 lovers, a best friend for life, a pregnancy, a partner in crime, a soulmate and time. That isn’t even the half of it, and I’m sure it’s not done yet.

    I can’t say it has been all bad. I was given one of the most precious gift’s on this Earth in February 5 years ago. My LuLu❤️.

    There are many many things, many times, many dates, many memories & many people, that I am grateful for and grateful to my season for. I am grateful, grateful for every experience I’ve ever had. Grateful that today is February 28th, 2022 and I’m here at home with my family. I’m not in jail, I’m not gone, I’m not using, I’m not in pain, I’m humble. I’m grateful to and for every day of life, but that is just not what this is about. This is about what I always thought was my time of year.

    This is about why I stopped loving my season, the season of February, March and April (&sometimes May) as much as I did 10+ years ago.

    I think there have been many of my seasons that have since passed without incident, but I also could be 100% wrong.

    I’ve learned to take the good with the bad, to smile when I’m sad, to remember what I’ve got & to remember what I have.


    So with that being said, here is what I remember.

    February 2010.

    The good : This was when my DH & I became us. ‘Twas a little messy at first, and it all started in a dark, cold basement, over a game of strip uno. We were both all over the place at that time, but that was okay, it worked at the time.

    The bad: Well, for starters, I had just fully upgraded from pills to H the month before. I was drinking way to much ( which is nothing new). Clearly the two helped get me to this next memory. My first time in Prison. The first time I was wrongfully taken from my child, due to her fathers anger and spite. My first restraining order, a random crazy, party that I crashed, and a *67 prank phone call that I never should have made.

    2012 just wasn’t the greatest year all around. i cannot remember anything specific of that atm, but I’m sure I will later when I’m much less distracted. – I just remembered as I was typing up 2013. February 2012 I had relapsed. It was when DCF came along. They intended to take my children away, but they didn’t until that May. 2012 was a really bad time for me all around.

    January & February 2013 . Let’s start with New Years Eve. My DH & I had spent the entire month of December in what felt like a dream. We nodded through Christmas and that was when and why I made the decision that brought me to NYE. I made a promise and I kept it… at least for the time. NYE we got high for what I said would be my last time as he drove me to HighPoint, a place that I had often frequented in my many attempts at getting clean. I made it! I did it! I got through Detox& spent the rest of the month next door awaiting a bed at a halfway house. I was really doing it this time! The farthest I had ever gotten. I had a blast in there with the same group of people for a month. We were the “cool kids”, the ones who’d go on to the places & the ones who’d make it. I made it to the island. I was there a month, until someone got drugs & I did NOT DO THEM– I was too busy sneaking in my script of suboxone. But still, she pointed the finger at me and I was kicked out. My season only got worse from there. It was bad. My DH had left & was running harder than he ever had.

    When I told him I was home, he came home, and I went right back down with him. My probation officer was looking for me & we were sleeping in our abandoned Gym for 2 weeks. It was bad. When they finally came, they came rolling deep. 13 cop cars, 5 sherif / county cars – it was bad. It ended with me back in a prison cell. That was February 28th 2013.

    I spent a month before ending up in the hole for 28 days , when I got out of the hole, they told me I was pregnant. I didn’t get out until June & that was the year I was sent back for a false positive urine & had my baby On Halloween 2013, from Prison. i didn’t get out until late November.

    2013 was bad. But February 28th 2013 was my sober date.

    February 2014. I suffered what was one of my closest losses at the time.

    A love lost. Half a decade of memories taken away in the blink of an eye. Except for, it wasn’t. He wasn’t gone in the blink of an eye.

    He was left. He was suffering. He was in and out, until he was just out. That was it. He was gone. And I’d never ever see him again. Every memory we made together, gone with him, only to stay in my mind alone. It feels like they were all just dreams.

    It tore me apart at my core. My heart, my soul was crushed. I’d never felt anything like this and it didn’t look good on me.

    2015 On February 28th 2015, I was working overnight and after 2 years of hard work, effort, sobriety, love & happiness , I relapsed. It wasn’t until May 15th that my DH took my children and left. It wasn’t until November 1st 2015 that I once again got sober. There were attempts, but none of them as sincere. I was getting my family back. I had done, lost, and given up, way too much at that point.

    2016 January 1st my family came home. Except, our home was gone- I had lost it months before, but we needed a new start. Our new place was awful, and we stayed only a month before I realized the cockroaches. February 1st 2016 we were homeless. We stayed in a Motel in a nice area for 3 weeks until we decided to leave the state and head to family in NC. But that didn’t last more than a month & by April we were at my family home in New Hampshire & a month later, I found out I was pregnant again.

    2017 January one of my Best friends passed away. One of my longest friends. One of my closest friends. She was gone, and would never get to meet my baby. We would never again play Scattegories or drinking games.

    February 2017 I had my amazing little girl. My 4th amazing child, my 3rd perfect little girl. It was one of the best times of my adult life. A milestone for my family. Surrounded by family, living on 80 acres in the middle of nowhere, with our own farm and the closest Walmart a 45 minute drive. As great as it was and as wonderful as we had it there, we decided the kids needed more. I wasn’t able to see or speak to my oldest child, even with all my hundreds of attempts, daily voicemails & texts- as her father turned into the Devil , it had been a year , we needed to move closer. I couldn’t live happily any longer without my girl.

    So we moved to the City, now a 40 minute ride rather than 3.5 hours, from my daughter.

    Her dad put me through HELL, he made me take a, however many week DIVORCE CLASS ( we were never married) before I could even get a 15 minute phone call. I did what I had to do, and worked up to being back with my oldest daughter. I found out he got married – and once again, he was back on his spite trip, his power trip.

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    70,128 Hours Without You

    70,128 hours. 96 months. 417,4 weeks. 2,922 days. 4207680.0 Minutes. 252460800 Seconds.

    8 years?? 8 years…. 2 more children , 4 apartments, 2 houses, 3 states, 6 + Vehicles – hell that last one might be slightly off, but whose counting? Countless losses that I don’t even want to begin listing.. For our generation? …Generations? More than I can count in my head.

    One full blown relapse. 4 revolving doors to familiar rehabs & a jagged edged 6 year recovery. [ no this isn’t the 12 days of Christmas Parody ] I should know what the day is. I’ve been waiting for it. Just as quickly as all the other dates that I thoughtlessly count down to come creeping up on me, my mind begins to shut it out. Trying to forget . Lizard brain? Monkey brain? Elephant brain?? Short Term Brain? Grief Brain? Trauma brain? That might take the cake, and even if some of those are not really a thing, it’s what I’m calling it these days.

    That might be a part of the reason I didn’t realize it was “the date” today. Even as I wrote it down on the tardy sheet 2xs today, signing my kids in on the 3 minutes “late” mark, (happens more often than I’d like to admit). As many times as I had typed the date into a text message, or as many times as I swiped through my Phone’s Calendar trying to book client’s and schedule Doctors appointments non synchronously in the days before, leading up to today, knowing how close it was. I know what today is, and I knew it was coming.

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    I’m still here, and it’s been 8 whole years since you have not been here. It’s been 8 whole years that I’ve dreaded what was once my favorite month.

    I’ve outlived you. I’m a year older than you ever were.

    How is that possible?

    How has the world turned 8 whole times without you?

    You were my first lesson in loss. Losing you, showed me what it feels like to lose someone you truly love, that deep kinda love that hurts your soul, even when it is good. It maybe even prepared me for what was yet to come.

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    I’ve added Loss to the list of firsts. You were a repeat offender on my first’s list. Not things like, first kiss, first love, first time, first boyfriend… no not those kind of first’s.

    First Love & Friend Loss. You were the first Friend I ever lost, and the first Love I ever lost.

    First Aff….

    Let’s put a pin in that & save that list for another day.

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    The first time I ever loved someone so much and had them so fucking Rudely and abruptly taken away from this Plane. I had no idea. I texted you, called you, left voicemails & joked.. asking you to resend that picture… the new Rock??

    I knew you’d never willingly leave without notice. That you wouldn’t make plans for Saturday if you knew it wasn’t going to come.

    I knew you.

    I knew you even if for only 8 years.

    We had gone through so much in such a short time, and even though we were not together, I knew you still had that love for me.

    I don’t even completely understand how you’ve been gone for the same amount of years as I knew you.

    If I’m a year older than you ever got to be, am I older than you now? Are you forever 31?

    I love you pxs3, the best friend I’d ever have, the only male version of myself I could ever love.

    I’ll never forget our last conversation, just the day before, and will forever ask myself the same questions. Did you know? Were you trying to tell me something? Were you saying Goodbye, See you there? Or was the universe trying to tell me?

    We talked about the Devils Throne,& how we’d take it over.. You & I. Promoted ‘King & Queen’ of a world we don’t know exists.

    I remember exactly where I was driving at that exact moment. Passing DW Park, sitting at the light, Park to my right.

    Smiling ear to ear listening to you talk, laughing together, joking about our happily ever afters. The conversation hadn’t started that way, no not at all even close. When I answered that very last phone call, you were crying... sniffling. Longing to be with your sons for the weekend, even if just for the day. You explained what was happening and how it mimicked what had happened some years before. You told me you couldn’t go through this again. You told me how Evil she was, and warned me to stay away from her cousin. I wish I had have listened…

    I Promised you I would be there for you whenever I could, I swore I’d do anything I was able for you, whenever my relationship with your ex best friend allowed. I told you we were fixing things, we had 2 toddlers & a new baby and things at home had just started getting better. I worked my ass off to get to where I was, and I said you could too… but none of that means we cant still be friends. No, We WILL be friends I swore to you, and I would tell him this weekend how I’m going to be there for you. He won’t mind, I promised.

    I’m Sorry for missing those calls that night. I’m sorry I didn’t check sooner.

    We are unstoppable, & no one can keep us apart, not even the Devil himself. No, we could and would overthrow him.

    You were finally Free. For the first time in years, we were Free Simultaneously.

    I had been waiting for this for years. Literally. I wanted to be there for you, with you, and this was it. So why? Why did You have to leave? You were once so strong, not only in the physical sense, but mental too.

    I wish I could play every single one of our memories on a projector, they were literally some of the most critical times of my life.

    I’d have followed you to the end of the world had time allowed. Where Would we be today?

    Where are you today? Do you forgive me? Are You Proud?

    I gave up everything for you.

    #yourajerk

    #kingandqueenoftheunderworld

    #myfavoriteperson

    #firstofmanyfirsts

    #iseeyoueverywhere

    #thanksforthememories

    PS. It was 21 Guns… the Music Video that played on MTV all Summer long. That woke us up to flashing lights & a really aggressive beat Every single time, at 2 – 3 AM. The song that gave us a hangover.

    Sources

    Source: for converting years to hours, mins, secs, days, weeks, months https://calculat.io/date/converter/hours–8–years

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    Mom’s Valentine’s Day 2022..

    As I sit here threading gold braided twine through each and every one of The Who knows how many , Valentine’s Day Bookmarks I hurried and began to make at around 6pm… because that’s who I am- I’m that mom- I’m last minute mom, last minute woman . I’m questioning my sanity.

    How many of these bookmarks will actually be used??

    How many of those time eating bookmarks are gonna be in recycling bins and trash barrels around my town tomorrow??

    As you can see, I’ve been busy.

    This gives me perspective to share, a different perspective… multiple perspectives.

    I’m that mom that carelessly, mindlessly , tosses the 3-4 bags/boxes filled with valentines away each year. Maybe not that day, that month, or even that year…. But eventually, they end up in a land fill from an annual purge.

    I am that mom.

    I am also the mom scrambling last minute to come up with simple ideas to incorporate into Valentine’s for four different age groups/ four different classes, without candy or snacks / food of any sort.

    I’ve got to come up with a valentine, omit the candy hearts. Maybe I don’t have to come up with it, but I do have to follow through with the creating process.

    I am the mom who stayed up all night finishing , cutting, tying, d.i.y-ing, cricut-ing .. to make sure each of my children had a bag of unique valentines to pass out to their class. ( Luckily daycare allows certain snacks 🙏🏻🤫🥳)

    So tomorrow, Today, if we don’t have a snow day – when our kids run into the house from school, dump their backpacks on the ground, reach for their bag ( or box) filled with a large variety of valentines from each and every one of their classmates – I’m going to remind myself to be more present.

    To stop and enjoy going through them with each of my children. Be equally excited.

    Not that I’m usually not that way anyways / just sometimes need to stop and remind myself to slow down.

    Listen , whether the kids valentines are store bought or hand made, they are usually equally thought out – it’s not something that needs too much effort on any end . Tonight I struggled with computer updates, and software issues , my laptop kept freezing right before go time – my cricut kept eating and tearing the bookmarks right at the very last steps…..

    I just wanted to make sure they had something –

    And now they do. And I’m exhausted and have my full body bone scan at 930 am today… but I chose to get those valentines done, and I’m not even a little bit mad or upset over it- I’m pumped I got it done.

    I’m this mom, I’m that mom, I’m Mom, and they didn’t hand me an instruction manual after any of my births.

    Happy Valentine’s Day y’all 😘😍❤️😘

    xoxo. Tmom

    There’s a little mom truth for today – food for thought .

    Where In the world is Aunt Jemima ?!

    Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: What happened to Aunt Jemima ? https://anchor.fm/truth-mommy/episodes/What-happened-to-Aunt-Jemima-e1blcci