His name was Versaje

V.E.R.S.A.J.E CUZ I CAN’T AFFORD IT

V.E.R.S.A.J.E CUZ I CAN’T AFFORD IT

His government, was Cory, but as of late, he went by Versaje, with a J cuz he can’t afford it. ;] His words, not mine. VersaJe was such a fitting name for him if that makes any sense. It suited him so well. We have been friends since around the 8th grade, and he was always GUCCI. That is legit. So the fact that now, at 31 years old, he took on the name, and was, VersaJe… it’s just, perfect.

If you knew him, you loved him. I loved him. I loved every bit of our friendship. As we got older, it was one of the realest, just like him, just like me. We were always raw, real, bold, and just, THE MOST, with each other. Always. We did the most. He was one of my biggest fans, someone who supported me through and through, and I him.

Something happened though, we didn’t keep in touch. We didn’t answer our phones as often, or with as much excitement as we usually did. We didn’t check-in/up on each other at random times anymore. We just lost touch, we stopped blowing up each other’s phone’s with messages, comments, facetime calls, we just stopped. I’m not sure really, I do not understand why, but I am beginning to unearth the lessons that my beloved friend has taught me.

I’ve lost a lot of people lately, too many in fact. So I am used to hearing the cliches that come with loss. This one though, is starting to hit me differently, it’s starting to make more sense to me, in a different way. They say, something along the lines of people being lessons… it’s put in many different ways. Different versions… but the one I’ve come to know, is this next one.

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That is a big pill to swallow. It makes sense though.

Well, I mean, I guess.

Right now though, today, I can say with certainty, that I’d trade in all the lessons I’ve learned from and throughout our friendship, to have Cory here today. There are plenty of other people I can learn lessons from. Why my people? Why so many of my people? Why so many of the good ones?

Cory was a good one. Always. I won’t say that he didn’t have a mean bone in his body, because he did, but you would never know it, unless of course you crossed him or someone he loved.

Our friendship began in Rockland, circa 2002 at ‘party centraL’ ( aka at the Westberg’s house ). We were ” The Crew”, ” The shadies”, CCCCCSQUARED <3 . That is ALL for another story, this one is strictly Cor.

He was, if not THE first, than one of the first boys I ever really kissed. It happened in the ditch. That night my friends and I had gone to the teen center and came back with Cory, Ryan & Chris. We thought we were SO cool. That was the beginning of our friendship, Cory’s and mine.

It’s crazy when I think about it, because sooo much has happened in the last 10 years alone, nevermind the last 20+, and throughout it all, all the addictions, the drama, the losses, the people, the places and the things, the growing we both did and did not do, we still remained friends, CLOSE friends, thoughout all of these years. Not all of us have kept in touch, but all of us have kept in touch with Cory.

Cory was the common denominator in my life. He was always there.

One of Cory’s passions was planning events and bringing the people he loved together. He was always a comedian, and could make anyone laugh with his charismatic wit.

I am grateful to Cory for so many things, so many things that I cannot even begin to list them here. I am the most grateful for the fact that Cory always loved me, no matter what, we could always talk to each other about our shit without judgement or fear, and with PLENTY of jokes — SELFISHHH <3 .

As I try to write about my dear friend, I’m listening to his PodCast on Anchor. I’m struggling a bit through the sadness, so for now, I’ll end here. Im so grateful to be able to hear his voice, and some of his thoughts on ANCHOR- Go listen now – his name is Versaje on Anchor- That’s V-E-R-S-A-J—E J BEFORE THE E CUZ HE CAN’T AFFORD IT!

Rest in the sweetest Peace My Dear Friend Cory Until We Meet Again Angel <3

Imaginary friend?

Ive been sitting here browsing, searching, reading, skimming, falling into every internet rabbit hole I’ve come across, almost ALL day.

2 of the kids are doing their remote schooling online, the little one is building, destroying, rebuilding, shes in the family room letting her imagination run WILD! She asked to use my cloth measuring tape, so I let her, 10 minutes later, she walks in with her ankles tied together by the measuring tape, and stated that her “Best Friend” did this to her.” Hey, you go girl. She has been doing the best friend thing a lot lately, and believe it or not, i absolutely ADORE it! Her ‘best friend’ is not invisible, and her name is Lilliana. It all reminds me of my childhood imaginary best friend, Sandra ( SAUUN-DRA), who also is not invisible. At around 3-4 years old as well, I would come out of my room wearing a giant sun hat, my mothers matching heels, and a leather jacket and say something like… ” Lori, your daughter is not here right now, we are off to the beach and wanted to borrow some makeup before we go.” (eye roll / giggle) – I had quite the imagination.

My oldest child is in school. She does not live here, but comes on the weekends. She is about to be a teenager ( shes 12 now) , but in her mind, shes going on 30. I can’t with her. She was my best friend, by my side through everything as I entered adulthood, since I had her in my late teen years. Now, I’m lucky if she wants to see me or do anything with me. My mind keeps going back to when she was a baby. When she would sing and dance with me, when she thought I was the best and most amazing person in the entire world. I go back, and it kind of breaks my heart. I think I am supposed to take all the blame for what happened. I’m supposed to live with what I did for the rest of my life. I lost my children deep into my addiction, as I was struggling severely to climb out of it. I never got her back. Her dad would never fully give her back to me, and if I wanted ANYTHING at all, never mind anything extra, I would have to go to court, with her father and his attorneys, fighting tooth and nail to get even a 15 minute phone call 3xs a week. It was bad. Over the last few months, I’ve come to a conclusion, as I am tiered of fighting. That is, that I am done part time parenting. I told my ex that 2 days ago, as today is January 11th, 2021, and we’ve not seen her per her choice since December 20th 2020. We were all exposed to COVID right before Christmas. My mother had come over on that Saturday before, and Sunday morning her husband tested positive for covid, the next day she did to. So my plan of action was to keep my daughter here, quarentined, isolated, with all of us who were also exposed- her father had other plans for her. I think it was SICK, and spiteful. He made me bring her home, to her fathers home, where there is a 2 year old baby, him, and his wife. Why would he rather potentially expose his family to this, than allow her to stay isolated with us? I was even SICK AT THE TIME!!! Once she got home, her stepmother packed her a backpack of food/snacks/ essentials, gave her a bottle of disinfectant to spray every time she had to go to the bathroom or even open her bedroom door. She could not leave her room for 5 days!!!!! OK, there is something wrong with that. Am I wrong?? I am willing to look at things from various perspectives, and this situation, I am blinded by spite. So, I guess we will have to come back and reflect on this in the coming weeks. We shall see…

I have to take a ride to Walgreens, So this is it for now. Maybe I’ll add more later. I think im going to come home and work on my glitter tumblrs & sublimation station !! I can catch you all up on that soon!! I literally turned my EPSON WF printer, into a SUBLIMATION printer!

I know , I know. I’m so proud! Okay Ya’ll, have a wonderful MONDAYYY!! :]

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