His name was Versaje



His government, was Cory, but as of late, he went by Versaje, with a J cuz he can’t afford it. ;] His words, not mine. VersaJe was such a fitting name for him if that makes any sense. It suited him so well. We have been friends since around the 8th grade, and he was always GUCCI. That is legit. So the fact that now, at 31 years old, he took on the name, and was, VersaJe… it’s just, perfect.

If you knew him, you loved him. I loved him. I loved every bit of our friendship. As we got older, it was one of the realest, just like him, just like me. We were always raw, real, bold, and just, THE MOST, with each other. Always. We did the most. He was one of my biggest fans, someone who supported me through and through, and I him.

Something happened though, we didn’t keep in touch. We didn’t answer our phones as often, or with as much excitement as we usually did. We didn’t check-in/up on each other at random times anymore. We just lost touch, we stopped blowing up each other’s phone’s with messages, comments, facetime calls, we just stopped. I’m not sure really, I do not understand why, but I am beginning to unearth the lessons that my beloved friend has taught me.

I’ve lost a lot of people lately, too many in fact. So I am used to hearing the cliches that come with loss. This one though, is starting to hit me differently, it’s starting to make more sense to me, in a different way. They say, something along the lines of people being lessons… it’s put in many different ways. Different versions… but the one I’ve come to know, is this next one.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is f6d6f7d6-2570-4cef-b558-bff36f426755-6411-000001bf8b90baf0_file.jpg

That is a big pill to swallow. It makes sense though.

Well, I mean, I guess.

Right now though, today, I can say with certainty, that I’d trade in all the lessons I’ve learned from and throughout our friendship, to have Cory here today. There are plenty of other people I can learn lessons from. Why my people? Why so many of my people? Why so many of the good ones?

Cory was a good one. Always. I won’t say that he didn’t have a mean bone in his body, because he did, but you would never know it, unless of course you crossed him or someone he loved.

Our friendship began in Rockland, circa 2002 at ‘party centraL’ ( aka at the Westberg’s house ). We were ” The Crew”, ” The shadies”, CCCCCSQUARED <3 . That is ALL for another story, this one is strictly Cor.

He was, if not THE first, than one of the first boys I ever really kissed. It happened in the ditch. That night my friends and I had gone to the teen center and came back with Cory, Ryan & Chris. We thought we were SO cool. That was the beginning of our friendship, Cory’s and mine.

It’s crazy when I think about it, because sooo much has happened in the last 10 years alone, nevermind the last 20+, and throughout it all, all the addictions, the drama, the losses, the people, the places and the things, the growing we both did and did not do, we still remained friends, CLOSE friends, thoughout all of these years. Not all of us have kept in touch, but all of us have kept in touch with Cory.

Cory was the common denominator in my life. He was always there.

One of Cory’s passions was planning events and bringing the people he loved together. He was always a comedian, and could make anyone laugh with his charismatic wit.

I am grateful to Cory for so many things, so many things that I cannot even begin to list them here. I am the most grateful for the fact that Cory always loved me, no matter what, we could always talk to each other about our shit without judgement or fear, and with PLENTY of jokes — SELFISHHH <3 .

As I try to write about my dear friend, I’m listening to his PodCast on Anchor. I’m struggling a bit through the sadness, so for now, I’ll end here. Im so grateful to be able to hear his voice, and some of his thoughts on ANCHOR- Go listen now – his name is Versaje on Anchor- That’s V-E-R-S-A-J—E J BEFORE THE E CUZ HE CAN’T AFFORD IT!

Rest in the sweetest Peace My Dear Friend Cory Until We Meet Again Angel <3

5 Cents



Great..no , AMAZING, SOUL TOUCHING, article to read, that I came across while searching the meaning, and symbolism of,; finding shiny Nickels, sometimes more than 1 in a day, 5 cents, and the number 5 in general. It is written by Nancy Wait, who has a collection of amazing reads on her website, NancyWait.com. (Hopefully this is legal, I’ve tried to do as much as possible to make sure it is) You can find her article by clicking HERE, or by clicking above, as I’ve linked her article.

There are a few people I would follow to the end of the world. Would, would have. Some I loved for longer, much much longer than others. They are falling off the face of the Earth.One by One. Every so often. Lovers. Best friends. Friends. Family. Lovers. Lovers…. Loves.

For years and years this has gone on. One at a time. It keeps getting closer though. Closer and closer. Little by little. Slow by slow.

I would have followed them. I would have , but I can’t. Someday, one day, we will meet again.

Not that I’m a professional critic or anything..

Netflix’s ‘Sweet Home’

Okay, so I’ve spent a lot more time than I’d like to admit, binge watching Netflix. Especially during this pandemic?! Idk what I’d have done without it?!!! Lost my mind maybe? Interacted more with others? lol idk. whatevs.


So I’m currently watching… “Sweet Home” , a South Korean comedy/drama/ post-apocalyptic, based on a Webtoon comic with the same name, created by Kim Carnby & Hwang Young-Chan. Damn, is this shit gory or what?!? I thought that “Death of Me”, was bad, this is just downright chaos. It reminds me of something like… “The Goonies”, maybe crossed with some other Monster movie or series filmed pre – super technology days. The way these monsters and creatures move just seriously creeps me out. It’s like… the word, “Slytherin”. That is what they remind me of. Just the word though, not what the word means.

Has anyone watched it?

Is anyone watching it?

What are your thoughts?


Off the Beaten Path


I’m currently watching “Death Of Me” On ; ‘Netflix’. It’s pretty f$#k-y to say the least. ” Island Magic” “Nam mun prai” This shit is crazy!!

Finished up “Glitch” and Netflix suggested I watch this. Almost as gruesome, if not more, as “The Cell” from 2000. The guts, intestines. Pulling.. squirming. cracking… ugh. Ya know what though? Her braid somehow manages to stay fucking perfect throughout. Well… I’m currently exactly 1 hour, 15 minutes and 9 seconds in… and her braid is completely perfect.

I should be playing with one of my many children. I’m going to miss it. I’m in it and I’m missing it. I’m not doing anything to change it.

Wow. WTAF did I just watch? I can’t even with this.

Go watch it, right now. Go ahead. It’s fuckey for sure, but in like, a good, interesting way.



Now, Netflix has suggested that I watch “Can’t Cope Won’t Cope” , and….WHOA!! It was actually more of a forceful suggestion, nevertheless. It started playing it for me like… almost immediately after friggin ‘Death of me’ , talk about 1 extreme to the next!! Ah I’m all over the place here!

So, just to double back real quick, I’m talking about 3 different shows/movie’s streamed on Netflix;

  1. Glitch Series
  2. Death of me
  3. Cant cope won’t cope

So, if you’ve not seen any of the 3, I suggest you exit this article now!

Glitch (TV Series 2015–2019) - IMDb

Glitch ( 3 seasons, 18 total episodes) is an Australian television programme which premiered on 9 July 2015 on ABC ( Later onto Netflix) . The series is set in the fictional country town of Yoorana, Victoria, and follows 7 people whom are originally from there, and died there, who return from the dead in perfect health but with no memory.

Death of Me (2020) - IMDb

Death of Me is a 2020 Film. As I stated, gruesome, nasty, violent, yet satisfying.

Vacationing on an island off the coast of Thailand, couple Neil and Christine awake hungover.. and with absolutely no recollection of the previous night. When trying to board the Ferry to get home, they realize that at least one of them is missing their wallets, phone, money, and neither of them can find their passports, therefore they are unable to board. When arriving back at the AIRBNB they had just checked out of, Neil begins searching his phone for any clues to what had gone on the night before, where they could have left their stuff, or what could have happened. He comes across a 2.5 + hour long video that the couple had recorded on the mystery night in question. As they watch it, they witness what looks to be, the total IMPOSSIBLE. Now they NEED answers, and they NEED to get home! They spend the rest of the movie searching the Thai Island for hints, clues, and or answers to what had happened the night before. It isn’t very pretty.

Now, this movie was for sure interesting, it kept my interest for most of the time, but also, it confused the heck out of me more than a handful of times! I kept thinking it was about to end, I sat here saying..



out loud, yes

HAH! I kept checking the timing to be sure, only to see there was still X amount of time left. So I continued watching, waiting for the all knowing part to come. The part where everything is laid out right there and it suddenly all comes together, and it all makes sense! Well, yeah, that never really happened. It did, sort of, like, it did start to explain things, the way it was, why it was happening, little bits and pieces of information… but then something came out of left field! I was thrown waaaaay off course, and back to square 1 basically haha! The ending didn’t really give me the answers I was hoping for, but hey… it’s a movie? It really isn’t bad, its a decent watch, I guess it just depends on you. So if you haven’t seen it yet, go check out ” Death Of Me” On Netflix and let me know your thoughts!!

  • Did the ending answer your questions?
  • Did you think it was as Gory as ” The Cell” ?
  • What are you the most confused about?
  • What do you know now that you didn’t even think of?

Stuff like that! Oh, here is a cool little bit of FYI- The couple ends up telling us that they are from Boston, Massachusetts, which I think is pretty awesome, andddd the entire movie was filmed in Thailand.. so very beautiful, and oh So cool!

Can't Cope, Won't Cope (TV Series 2016–2018) - IMDb

Cant Cope Wont Cope ( 2 seasons, 12 episodes total)

Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope is an Irish comedy-drama television series, about 2 twenty-something year old friends, Danielle, and Aisling, from Mallow, County Cork, who share a house in Dublin. Aisling is a fund manager, Danielle is an art student who is trying to find her calling. Both women are complete party animals, who love to dance, day and night drink and just have a good time! The series shows a glimpse of what the life of a real twenty-something, might be like, especially for those of us who had not yet matured, or ever had to face any type of consequences, or adversary in our lives. It is real, it is raw, it is good, and it is over :[. The writer of the series announced in August of 2018 that there would not be a season 3, as she had not even expected or planned for the show to go beyond 1 season. That’s too bad because it was definitely a fantastically written, wonderfully produced, and amazingly cast series.

After doing a little bit of research on the show, it didn’t take long for me to learn that the 33 year old actress who played Danielle, Danika Nika McGuigan , had passed away in July 2019, after a short battle with cancer. Awful. Heart Breaking. So young, such talent. :'[

Although there are only 12 episodes in the series entirety, I strongly recommend heading over to Netflix and watching it. Hey, 12 episodes? That should be easy, gives all the more reason to Binge watch it now! :]

Let me know what you think! :]


I am all my kids have all my kids have during the long summer days..

I am all my kids have during the long summer days. They do not have people who want to take them for exciting sleepovers, or to the zoo, the pool, The movies, The park, beaches , the aquarium, a lake, splash pads, indoor parks, museums, or to any water park . They have me , and they have Pat, who is only able to do these things on the weekends or on holidays with us, because someone has to work to provide for our family. Therefore, it’s all up to me. The entire summer is up to me.

It’s up to me to keep my cool, at home or at these places. It’s up to me to make sure all 3–5 bellies are fed & full at least 3 times a day & to make sure there’s enough snacks & drinks. packed when we’re going out. It’s up to me to make sure each child stays hydrated on the hot , humid, summer days, and even on the not so hot & humid ones. It’s up to me to rub sunscreen on 4–6 pairs of shoulders & all exposed skin, to spray bug spray on each child from head to toe. It’s up to me to keep my eyes focused on at least my 4 little people & to know where each one is at all times, to make sure they are safe, being safe, following the rules & not killing / hurting each other, or anyone else for that matter. It’s me that has to watch the cool tricks of my only boy while he’s in the pool, or on the monkey bars, at the same time I’m trying to watch the new discoveries of my oh so growing 5 year old, and the small jumps she can do that seem so enormous to her. Then there’s the big kid tricks that Hailee has to show me.. and she wants me to record every single attempt and every which way she can try. At the very same time as all of that, I have this little nugget who wants to be big, ( they all want to be so big), this little girl who wants to play with her siblings and do all the amazing, big things that they’re doing, without me at their side, holding their hands, without swimmies on their arms rubbing roughly on their skin. If she’s not doing that, she’s attached to my hip or chasing me around crying for me to pick her up. This beautiful little girl who understands SO much for being 2, but at the same time does not understand the whys, or the how’s. She wants to adventure on her own, and always at the worst times, and she is so innocent to the dangers of this world, so it’s up to me to keep her safe. To keep all of them safe.

I’m somehow supposed to split my focus and attention in 4–5 different ways no matter where we are, ESPECIALLY in a pool, or in a crowded place that has multiple exits.

It is up to me to make sure I get all kids home safely, to make sure each child is buckled properly and safely on the car rides to and from. It’s my job to lay down the rules before we get to where we’re going, each and every time, even though sometimes it seems a waste of breath, and I’m repeating and reminding these rules more often then not. It’s up to me to do the dishes after most meals, (if I don’t want to be eating with crusty utensils ) , to come up with or find, and cook those meals the kids will hopefully eat. It’s up to me to check on their cleaning habits, to vacuum up crumbs and to mop up spills, no matter how many times they’ve screamed ANTS!! To scrub the play- doh off the chairs , and savagely do the same to any carpet stains ( see; potty training). It is up to me to clean up the remnants of a wasteful experiment gone wrong, after she “already cleaned it all up”. It is me who separates the clothes, colors from whites. It is me who puts the clothes in the washer, the dryer, and then folds the 4 loads of laundry we’ve somehow accrued in a 24 hour time span. It is me who will sometimes leave it all in a giant, wrinkled pile on the couch for 2 days, so that I can take the kids outside for the day. It is me who makes sure all 6 of us has clean clothes to wear, bathing suits, towels, etc. It is mostly up to me to call bed time, every . single . night, my job to read to them, or to make sure that they have read for at least 15 minutes every night, to trust their word because I am just too exhausted to have them read chapters to me every single night. It’s my job to make sure what they’re watching is appropriate, and to catch them when they’re being sneaky and have their phones in bed. Also, it is very much up to me to remind my 2 oldest that when they have sleepovers, they NEED sleep. That it’s okay to stay up until 2–3am ONCE, maybe twice , but it is absolutely not something she can do every single night with or without a friend over. Why?? Well it’s my job to explain WHY. Why what?? Why EVERYTHING. Literally, everything, and if I’m not sure of the actual answer, it is up to me to come up with something believable and realistic quickly enough that they do not hear in my voice that I’m pulling these reasons out of thin air. There’s always a why. If I recorded my everyday life, I’m answering the question “why” at LEAST 100 times a day between each child & man child , and my reasonings are mostly, because I said so, and often made up , and a lot of the time, my oldest knows that, and the others are left to ponder.

I am the one who makes the plans. I call or text the other parents, RSVP to the birthday parties, make small talk with other parents, invite friends over. It is my job to keep food in the house, at the same rate as my 2 oldest & my man child , are mowing all the snacks, fruit and junk, healthy and not, usually in a matter of 2 days. It is my job to know sizes, likes and dislikes, to keep up with what’s “trending”, so I can continue to try to understand my daughter and her friends ( 3 times over).It is up to me to make sure these kids are safe on TikTok , Roblox , Snapchat , watch party, and whatever else my daughter is on. She shows her siblings, the apps and to my son, “ it’s so unfair” that she has a phone, is allowed to have these apps, can walk to the corner store with a friend, can stay up later than him…. nothing is fair, life isn’t fair & that is just NOT what he wants to hear. So when he storms off to his room and slams his bedroom door… it is up to me to go into his room at some point after allowing him to cool off, and it is up to me to take away the XBOX he was playing, when he was supposed to be in bed. It’s up to me to take away the privileges of games, phones & other electronics when they are abusing those privileges. I’m the good guy half the time, and the bad guy the other half.

It’s me who calms the screaming and crying, wipes the tears, cuddles my babies, settles the fights, plays pretend, separates the arguing before it gets too rough, handles the booboos of all sorts. I have to be tough, but I have to be loving & kind. I have to teach lessons, but I have to show love and understanding. I have to be their friend, but more importantly, their mother.

I am the worrier of all worries, the one who has to have things done the right way, the one who has to teach my kids right from wrong, and to be honest with them, even if it’s things I don’t always want to be honest about.

It is up to me to make sure 4–6 people are bathed, fed, brushed their teeth & flossed, and tucked into bed each and every night with kisses, hugs & a cup of water…. multiple.times.a.night.

I am the keeper of snacks, sunblock, bug spray, happiness, sadness, cuddles, waters, candy, love , meals, gifts, prizes, surprises, the party planner, cab driver, chef, tour guide, maid, day planner, keeper of appointments, photographer, hoarder of ridiculous artwork that means so little to most, but so much to me. I am their teacher, & with the help of Pat, I keep them busy, and happy , healthy and loved, I remind them of things from when they were babies, I show them pictures & take their pictures to capture the memories that will one day soon be forgotten about. I do all that I can to make lasting memories & keep my babies close. I try to teach them the value of family, and that we are all each other has, so that they grow up and lean into one another. I want them to know who was there, and who was not.

I want them to know the truth, and I want them to know how truly loved they are by us.

I do not want them to have such high expectations of our families outside of this house, but I do however want them to have high expectations and standards for their own families when they grow up.

I want my kids to be loved more by their families.

I am not a perfect mother or anywhere near a perfect person, and it has not always been this way. I am in recovery, and have struggled with my addiction on and off for 15 years. Pat and I fought long & hard to be where we are today, to be the parents we are today, and we wouldn’t change it for anything.

It takes a village, but our village is small, and most only come around at their own convenience. We don’t need them. I don’t need them. All I want is for my kids to know and see the love, and have memories with our families, like I did when I was little.

Its okay, they do not need that. They have us , and they have each other. They are not burdens, or problems, they aren’t baggage or trouble… they are beautiful little amazing children, who only want to love and be loved. They have SOO much love to give.

It would mean the world to them to have their whole big family present and involved in their lives & activities. They don’t need much to have the best day ever… just some 1 on 1 time & attention from a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or even just a friend.

I will say it again, they don’t need it. They don’t need forced love and affection, or fake smiles & pictures for their social media pages… they don’t need selfish people, or people who chose favorites. They don’t need your birthday gifts , or cards… they don’t need your bullshit phone calls every few months and bullshit promises. They need love.

I am all my kids have during these long summer days. There is no one claiming to take them here or there on this weekend, that weekend , this night or that night. There is no one offering to take 1 child for the day, or offering to help out by babysitting for a night so we can go out. We don’t need it.

We have each other, and my kids will grow up knowing how important that is, and they will be NOTHING like ANY of you.