What would you give to be that kid again?

What I would give to go back in time today, right now & be the little girl who didn’t truly understand the lyrics to some of my favorite songs..

The songs I sang the words to with such harmless, aimless compassion …

What I’d give to not feel the words to every song so deeply inside of my soul, because I get it.

What id give to be put to bed by such love and such inner peace, and to wake up feeling genuinely reset and worthy. A brand new day.

Extra Long Phone Charger [3-Pack 6FT 6FT 10FT] Nylon Braided USB Charge & Sync Cable Cord Compatible with iPhone X Case/8/8 Plus/7/7 Plus/6/6s Plus/5s/5,iPad Mini Case - Pink

To be told that I don’t understand something yet, and really, truly & innocently NOT understand it.

To believe everything without needing proof.

To trust and believe in love, and that everything will be okay.

To not know about mental health or addictive pain.

To not know what it feels like to give up, or be given up on.

To not have to watch my every word before it even becomes a thought.

I’d give anything to feel these ways, or to feel nothing like I feel now a days.

Do You Know What Day it is?

Friday October 21, 2022

Do you know what day it is?? It FRIYAY!! Well duh!! We knew that… Right? Some days… I do, whilst other days I completely do not. Especially during the Pandemic. I lost all sense of tracking days. As a matter of fact, since the Pandemic began, I’ve lost all sense of time.. but that is for another day. Knowing the Day/Date is not what I mean today. Today, we’re talking about National, International, & Global, holidays. Every Day is a holiday somewhere. Take Full advantage of that and celebrate at least a little something every day!! Lets take a look at today’s Holidays. I am not sponsered by, but typically use the website, ” NationalToday.com”, to check in on the holiday’s and anniversaries of the day! Let’s see what they’ve got for us today.

Source: DrJockers.comhttps://drjockers.com/iodine-deficiency/

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder Prevention Day…

Did you know? Iodine can be related to hormone balances, and can be linked to thyroid normality’s and abnormalities.

International Day of the Nacho…

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Try this Great Nacho Recipe from Simply Recipes, to get your celebration started !!!

Source: simplyrecipes.comhttps://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/nachos/

National Mammography Day…

While it reads, October 16th, it is on the list of today’s holidays. So how could I leave this one out?? Early Detection= early treatment= Life.

Nationaltoday.com

National Check Your Meds Day… for free Medical Advice –

pixabay.com

Celebration of the Mind Day – My Favorite celebration of the Day!!!

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Celebrate your mind- Get Free Advice regarding your meds- Eat tons of Nachos, and be aware of your Iodine intake!!

There are a ton of other “Holidays” Today, these are just a few that really stuck out to me!! I’ve added links to a few other great things that you can Celebrate on this Day below!! Check them out and let us know what your favorite one is??

Have a Nacho Recipe that is worthy of a celebration?! Share your recipe in the comments! :]

Did you Celebrate any of these today?? Tell us which ones, why, and how you chose to Celebrate on October 21st!!

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October 21 Holiday List...

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What is icd and how to control it? ( impulse control disorder)

https://lighthouserecoveryinstitute.com/blog/understanding-impulse-control-disorder-addiction/

There is a reason I choose to write about Impulse Control Disorder today.

I’ve always been a wicked impulsive person. It’s primitive. It may have even gotten worse with age. Maybe. However, I’ve never really been able to, tried to understand it.

It’s not easy to wrap your head around something that you cannot visibly see. Society wants us to just accept things for what they are because they say so. However, not everything. How can I accept something when I can’t even understand it? I’ve never been one to want to do the work, the research, I just want the know, the knowledge. Instant Gratification.

The word impulsive, derives from the word impulse.

Being a person who acts on impulse, or an impulsive person, means one that acts before, or without thinking about it. “Acting or Done without forethought.”

Let’s shine a little light on a part of society who needs to know they are not alone.

What Is Impulse Control Disorder?

Impulse control Disorder is a behavioral disorder, one where the person really has no control over their behavior. Triggers can be things like anger, sadness, fear, or an overwhelming amount of uncontrollable emotions.

Having emotional overloads – Not knowing where to put your feelings, or who to be mad at. So you may seem like your mad at everyone– including the wrong people. Including Yourself.

Most impulse control disorders are initially apparent during childhood or adolescence. They can still be evident during adulthood. Acts of defiance and anger can be attributed to normal child development. Those with impulse control disorders will exhibit longer-lasting episodes of aggressive behavior. 

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Impulse control disorders tend to share four specific commonalities:

  • The person repeats the behavior despite any adverse consequences suffered.
  • They have little control over troublesome behavior.
  • The person seems to experience an overwhelming urge before exhibiting the behavior.
  • The person seems to take pleasure from the behavior.

When impulse control disorders go untreated, they can impact the person’s quality of life. Many can result in legal problems or financial ruin.

impulse control disorder
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Common Types of Impulse Control Disorder

This my friends is tough. It’s a hard pill to swallow.So grab your tall glass of ice water, or your medium hot coffee from Dunkin’, and take it down.

Cheers!!!

No, but really!! This stuff really makes my chest tighten, my heart feel squeezed. Nightmares may or may not be made of this stuff.

Some of the most common impulse disorders includes diagnosis’ such as; pyromania, trichotillomania, kleptomania, intermittent explosive disorder, compulsive sexual disorder, the list goes on.

Visit First Light Recovery’s (FLR) website to find self quiz’s, blogs, help lines, phone numbers, programs, contacts , and so much more IFY!!

Below, you’ll find a list of some of the different types of impulse control disorders, accompanied by a brief description of each type. This list was copied directly from the website of First Light Recovery. You can find it here.

.

Conduct Disorder

Conduct disorder is a pattern of aggressive behavior towards others. These behaviors include breaking the rules at home, in school, and among their peers. Rule violations can be severe. Behaviors that cause harm to others, such as bullying and cruelty to animals, can be a part of this disorder.

Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania is when a person obsessively and intentionally pulls out their hair. It is significant enough that the loss of hair is noticeable. Ultimately, the condition can lead to social isolation and occupational disability. Trichotillomania is considered to be an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Pyromania

Pyromania is an impulse control disorder where the person has an uncontrollable urge to set fires. They are aware of the damage this behavior can cause, but that doesn’t stop them. Pyromaniacs usually have a fascination with fire and watching things burn. They do not set fires to destroy things intentionally but experience relief from lighting things on fire.

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Compulsive Sexual Behavior

Compulsive sexual behavior, also known as sex addiction, is an overwhelming preoccupation with sex. This behavior includes masturbation, promiscuity, pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or fetishes. In small doses, these behaviors can be relatively healthy; however, for a sex addict, they become obsessive.

Over time, sex addiction becomes more of a means of reducing anxiety than seeking pleasure. This disorder can cause distress, destroy relationships, and potentially lead to social, occupational, financial, and legal consequences.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is most commonly seen in childhood. It primarily involves defiance, uncooperative behavior, or anger directed at those in positions of authority. Every child will naturally show mild forms of these behaviors. A diagnosis of ODD will come when this behavior lasts longer than six months and interferes with the child’s daily interactions. While ODD is treatable, it can later evolve into conduct disorder if it goes untreated.

Kleptomania

Kleptomania is an uncontrollable urge to steal things. Most of the time, the things taken are not things that the kleptomaniac needs. They are usually items that are small and carry very little value. 

This impulsive control disorder is considered to be rare and incurable. Treatment has been shown to end the cycle of this compulsion.

Compulsive Gambling

Compulsive gambling is also known as pathological gambling or gambling disorder. It is an uncontrollable urge to keep gambling even when it is ruining a person’s life. 

Compulsive gamblers will keep gambling until they have emptied their savings and are in debt. They have been known to steal money or write bad checks to be able to keep gambling. This disorder can destroy relationships and leave the compulsive gambler in financial ruin.

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The Co-Occurrence of Impulse Control Disorders and Substance Abuse

Another fact is that its pretty common for individuals with ICD to also have substance abuse disorder. This is what we call co-occurrence or comorbidity to 2 conditions.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) estimates that approximately half of those with substance use disorder also have a mental illness. 

Individuals with impulse control disorders may start abusing substances to self-medicate. Unfortunately, their tendency towards compulsive behavior can translate to an addiction to illegal drugs or alcohol. In some cases, impulse control disorders lead to substance abuse, while in other cases, the opposite is true.

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Learning about Mental Health is important, at any and ALL ages. I say we treat mental health as a Subject in school, and touch base with it in the most age appropriate way possible behind school doors.

Knowledge is Power.

They may think that feeding us this knowledge gives us a dictionary of excuses for poor or bad behaviors- but if we know and learn this stuff right from the get – we can potentially avoid and or resist the natural urges we have to push our limits and see what we can get away with.

image found on ScienceDirect.com

What are your thoughts on ICD???

Be a part of the conversation, share your story, or share this article to your page today!! Let’s give em something to talk about!

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Resources

Firstlightrecovery.com

Etymology of Impulse on en.wikitionary.org

CDC.gov- CDC's Mental Health Tab

ClevlandClinic.org

National Health Service - Mental Health Tab

National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) - Comorbidity - Substance abuse Disorders & Mental Health

Mayo Clinic on condition called Kleptomania

Mayo Clinic . org - Compulsive Sexual Behaviors

Mayo Clinic. org - Intermittent Explosive Disorder

WebMD - on Comorbidity

Do I have OCD? OCD Self Test by First Light Recovery

The Softmore

Part 1 – Cori – time frame – 2000’s

It’s the year 2005 or 2006, the year you get your license. The month is ApriI. I think I was in 10th grade, driving a 1994 XL Fire Engine Red Chevy Blazer. I was not yet an experienced highway driver, so wherever I went, I went the back roads.

On this particular day it didn’t matter. The place I was going was all back roads. There was one way into town and one way out, and this was it. A Long, winding, curvy, strip of what felt like forever. Beautiful mansion like houses lined the road, and the smell, the sticky smell of the salt water clung to the hairs inside of my nose the way you would picture molecules and cells sticking together.

It was the same road I had traveled down many, many times throughout my youth with my parents to get to the Beach, but one of the first times I had driven it myself. And I wasn’t going to the Beach this time. I was going to a Women’s Health Clinic to be put on birth control, without my mother’s knowledge or consent. They had a little notebook, a journal, filled with “testimonials” from patients before us. Essentially, the ” Comment’s Section” of this particular Women’s health Clinic.

I’d brought my friend Leena with me for support, more of a celebratory support. Little did I know- I was going to need more than that, and a lot of it.

I peed in a little cup for what I believe now, was the first time I’d ever done so ( outside of when my mom would hold the cup for me at my annual physical with my pediatrician), sat back down in the waiting area with Leena, and began reading some journal entries.

After about 45 minutes, and a lot of whispering stares and side eyed glares, a woman opened her door and called out my name, ” Cori? Come on in.”

We spoke about the different types of birth control, my history ( which wasn’t much yet) and then she asked if I’d like for her to bring my support person in. That threw me way off, but I sort of chuckled it off and thought it’d give us a lot of laughing material for the ride home.

She opened her office door and called out, ” Leena, could you please come in and take a seat with us?” . A knot began g r o w i n g inside of my belly. My nerves were starting to catch up to me.

When my Best Friend entered the room, we locked eyes and nervously smiled at one another.

“What is going on?” I ask the, (lets call her “Doctor”) Doctor.

” Unfortunately Cori*, we can not give you a prescription of Birth Control today, but we can offer support-” Said Doctor, uneasily.

What?! What the hell do you mean??? What is wrong with me?? Is it an STD?! HERPES? HIV? AM I DYING?! – Were some of the first thoughts that went through my head, my best friend Leena, was thinking the same things. She was so afraid of what the next words would be, she visibly clenched her fists into the arms of the chair, on each side of her body.

” We can not give you a prescription for Birth Control today, because…. you are already Pregnant.”

Explosives going in all corners of my brain.

That’s. Not. Possible. ( not a statement taken lightly in such a situation).

I couldn’t imagine being PREGNANT!? I had just turned 16 years old.

NO!! This cannot be happening. I was t r y i n g to get AHEAD OF THIS!!

The first audible words out of my mouth were, ” Okay, Well… Soo what can you guys do for this? What can we do about this? I need to fix this and fast, and again, w i t h o u t my mother finding out…”

The only support offered to me by the lovely clinic, was a few brochures regarding adoption and teen pregnancy. They did not offer, provide, nor support a b o r t i o n.


When I walked out of the clinic, I took what felt like the first breath I had taken since Leena sat down in Doctor’s office with me.

My face stained in tears, I called my boyfriend Anthony.

When he answered, he already knew something was not right. See, usually I’d only call him over the 2-way Radio. So when the phone rang and he saw my name flash across the screen, his stomach bubbled.

On the ride home, I called my mom.

She could hardly understand the words coming out of my mouth, but she got the idea. ” Drop Leena off, and head home, I’ll be right over.”

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Cut to- It’s the second-to-maybe Third-to-Last Day of 10th Grade, June of 05/06, and I have an appointment scheduled for the following day. I’m sitting in Mrs. Lato’s Spanish class nauseous, a feeling I’d begun to get used to, and my teacher won’t let me go to the bathroom, a g a i n. I know my bathroom breaks were frequent, more frequent than normal- and they thought I was going to smoke cigarettes, ( something I did regularly in the school bathrooms). Over the last 3 months, my bathroom breaks had become even more frequent, and I was doing more than just s m o k i n g in the girls room.

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Even when I did go in there to smoke, I would throw up. E v e r y. s i n g l e. t i m e. I was SO frustrated. I had been trying to keep this secret for months, as one pregnant 10th grade teenager would do. It wasn’t that I couldn’t take the secret any longer, it was that I had to throw up, and did NOT want to do so in front of a room full of Juniors and Seniors, most of whom I was n o t friendly with.

I tried to cover all my bases. I asked if I could PLEASE run to the bathroom, THREE TIMES. In between my pleas, Mrs. Lato would throw in a wise remark. She thought it was funny. She wasn’t trying to be mean, no – she was just trying to get through her lesson. ” It’s the last week of school, cant you wait until the bell rings? Your not going to want to miss a thing in class today or tomorrow.”

“I’m not going to be here tomorrow or the next day. So May I Please run to the bathroom? It’s s e r i o u s. It’s a M e d i c a l condition. It’s a g i r l problem.”

Nothing. She ignored me each time.

I rose from my chair and exited the class room. Fuming. Actually, f u m i n g. This was the first time I felt my whole body heat up the way it did in response to my anger. I felt my skin turn flush. My neck, covered in blotches of red… embarrassment? Fear? No, Anger. Anger that looked like a bad allergic reaction.

I splashed my face with water, and looked at myself in the fun house like mirror that was mounted along the wall as you exited the bathroom. I wanted to wait for the bell to ring, but back then, the concept of time wasn’t what it is now. It lasted longer. One half hour felt more like One whole hour. Fifteen minutes was more like 45. So I waited for my face to cool down some, and I walked back to class.

Looking down at my Toes

Journey through the mind of our Mental Health Warrior’s and their Thoughts.

The first thought in a series of Thoughts, from the minds of our Mental Health Warrior’s, made into Poems.

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I spent half of my life wearing black on my toes and only black clothes -You’d have thought that maybe Death was a type of lifestyle, and one that I chose. With a ring in my nose I’d watch only Crime shows and listen to black crows. I’ve stuck straws up my nose and drank straight from the hose – and there was also a time I tried to make little girls’ bows, and design my own kinds of clothes – and although maybe nobody knows, My love, I tried to never oppose. I’ve lived where it snows and during a time where guys called ladies hos- and day after day, we continued to live, all while the things we love decompose. In the ground we are planted, and even still, nothing grows. Why couldn’t we grow the same way as a Rose? And Why when we’re pregnant, do they say our skin glows? The Baby is taking everything, except for your troubles and woes. So really, Truly, the answers nobody even knows. But we still continue on, alongside our friends and even our foes. Over and over, it’s just how it goes – and now my friends, this thought I will close. At the end of the day, some people think, ” This shit Really Blows”.

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The Truth, Mom

Blogger / Mental Health Advocate

Send me your thoughts, stories, poems & experiences. Let’s Travel the Road of Mental Health Healing Together.

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