Wtf does target do to children?!

www.facebook.com/reel/1183810935555441

is it the lighting??

Something in the air!!

What would you give to be that kid again?

What I would give to go back in time today, right now & be the little girl who didn’t truly understand the lyrics to some of my favorite songs..

The songs I sang the words to with such harmless, aimless compassion …

What I’d give to not feel the words to every song so deeply inside of my soul, because I get it.

What id give to be put to bed by such love and such inner peace, and to wake up feeling genuinely reset and worthy. A brand new day.

Extra Long Phone Charger [3-Pack 6FT 6FT 10FT] Nylon Braided USB Charge & Sync Cable Cord Compatible with iPhone X Case/8/8 Plus/7/7 Plus/6/6s Plus/5s/5,iPad Mini Case - Pink

To be told that I don’t understand something yet, and really, truly & innocently NOT understand it.

To believe everything without needing proof.

To trust and believe in love, and that everything will be okay.

To not know about mental health or addictive pain.

To not know what it feels like to give up, or be given up on.

To not have to watch my every word before it even becomes a thought.

I’d give anything to feel these ways, or to feel nothing like I feel now a days.

Happy National Fried chicken & Chaos Never Dies Day!!! November 9th

America, Home Of the Controlled and the Controlling.

I was just a few weeks into my 16th year when I had an abortion, and it was not the worst decision I had ever made in my life. As a matter of fact, it really was not my decision at all.

The worst part about it? Was that my adult made the decision as to whether or not I would stay awake, or be put to ‘sleep‘ / lightly sedated, during the procedure.

The latter was what I wanted. I did not want to remember. But it was not up to me, none of this was. The latter, was not what was chosen.

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This was not up to me. It was intended that I remember this experience. This was my lesson. I would be fully awake, so that I would know learn, to not get pregnant again.

That is not what I learned from this experience.

Even though I had some of the Best Health Insurance money could buy, and even though my boyfriend offered wanted to come with me, my Adult had lessons for each of us tucked into every pocket and up every sleeve.

My adult did have good intentions.

My Boyfriends lesson came out of his wallet in the form of a $500 Money Order.. for only $50 (or 100) more dollars, they would sedate me. It was my choice. Except when I didn’t have the extra money to hand over right then an there. Except when they brought my adult into the room.

This did not get to be my decision. Who was I, but a Dumb, Young, Sophomore, who found out she was pregnant by driving an hour away to the ‘Free Clinic, behind my Adult’s backs to get put on ‘The Pill‘ (Birth Control Pill)?

Who was I but a sneaky Teenager who did all the things her adult told her not to?

A few short years and a high school diploma later – and we were pregnant again.

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The first person I did not call?

My Adult.

I knew right away what I was not doing.

I was not going back to that place.

Literally or Figuratively.

The place I had arrived at in the wee morning hours on what was the last day of the school year.

The place I had to use and remember a Secret code word to get in, but not before a Guard wanded me down to ensure the safety of others.

(Mind you this code word was the same code word for each one of the friends whom I accompanied to this same place throughout high school..)

The place where they took me into a room to counsel me, and told me that this was all ‘my choice‘. It didn’t matter my age, or what anyone else wanted me to say or do. All of the decisions being made on that day, would lie solely on me. My Body, My choice. But that just was not true.

The place where they made me feel like I mattered, like I was safe, like everyone there gave a shit about me and that everything was going to be OKAY.

And everything was okay, even when they wheeled me into the procedure room. Even when they sat me on the padded blue table, had me lie down and open my legs up. Open more..

wider

wider

A nurse told me to place my feet on these, and let my knees fall apart to each side, as far, open, and as relaxed, as I possibly could.

She held my hand and told me step by step, move by move what was happening before, after and as it was happening. I squeezed her hand through the pain as if to share my pain with her.

I could not do all any of that again.

This time; my our choice. And I was keeping our baby.

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I’m grateful that the option was there – because had it not been, I may not have finished my high school education. I may not have walked at graduation with my graduating class mates.

However, I just wish that the first time I got pregnant, I was more informed, more educated on life. During a pregnancy, after a pregnancy, while having a child, what happens to my body, my mind, my life, my education.

All of it.

The only thing I factored into my decision was that my decision was taken away from me and I wasn’t going to let that happen again.

Little did I know, my ‘informed decision making process’ never fully formed into its own thing. It stopped at what I was told to do and why I was told.

child touching his mother lamb
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Two years after having my first born, I was pregnant again. I was about 3 or 4 months along when I began to miscarry. The Emergency room Doctors sent me home to pass what they described as a clot ‘no larger than an orange’. After what felt like days of labor, I passed the fetus, and I felt like I was dying for a whole 3 days later.

When I finally got myself home and to my home doctor, he told me I was hemorrhaging and needed to have a D&C and quickly. He sent me to the hospital next door, did an ultrasound and a few other short tests and within an hour, I was in a gown in a bright, cold, light, procedure room, with my doctor, the same Doctor who delivered my first born, having a D&C.

citrus fruits and ultrasound result on white surface
Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com
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After having 3 children, I got pregnant again. During a regular Ultrasound Scan in my earlier weeks, I was told that the baby had bilateral cysts on her Brain, A Mild Marker of Trisomy 18.

I was told that at my next scan, at 21 weeks, even if the cysts disappeared; we would not know if the baby would be born with Trisomy 18 or not. I was told that it was something like a 1 in 50,000 chance that she would be born with Trisomy 18. At my 21 week scan, they noticed the cysts had disappeared, and that was the last ultrasound I got before the big D-Day!

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I was completely horrified. I was receiving all sorts of information that I did not know what to do with. I could not make this decision. I could not go through a pregnancy only to lose my baby in the hours or days after birthing her, I would not be okay for me or for my other children.

In the state that I lived in, they would not perform a medical abortion after 21 weeks, unless absolutely deemed necessary. So I looked in other states around me. After long hard conversations with family, a lot of praying, crying and not understanding life – I decided that I would not do anything. I decided that I would pray, and that God would not give me anything that I could not handle – even if I could not understand it.

After 40 weeks of carrying my 4th beautiful blessing and not knowing what would happen on the day she was born, I chose to be induced, again. However, I knew something was not right. I had been telling asking my doctor for months if where her head should be, felt like a bum to him, and vise versa, to which he assured me that she was in the correct position.

She was not. She was Breech.

This ended in an Emergency C-Section. The thing I had spent hours watching t.v shows and a couple of Netflix specials on. C-Sections, exactly what I had always thought that I never wanted.

Once they pulled my newborn baby out of me and got her breathing, they allowed her dad to see her. After I heard her cry, I whispered through tears, ” Thank God.” but I still wasn’t sure if she would be okay. My first words after hearing her were, “Is she okay? Does she look Okay? Is she perfect?”

My stories are neither here nor there when it comes to abortion, or its laws, however, that is my whole point. I am grateful that there was always an option, a choice. Decisions are not easy to make, especially when it comes to life, and they should not be made for us, unless one is incapable of making such a decision. These are decisions that should be made solely by the women whose bodies are undergoing all this change. This is not about pro-life, anti life, pro se or anyones rights – this is purely about control.

road people art new york
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What does vaping make you feel like?

I’ve been a cigarette smoker for more than half of my life. More specifically, a menthol cigarette smoker. A Newport smoker.

Pack of 20 Newport's - Menthol Cigarette's
Pack Of Newport’s – Menthol Cigarettes

When I was 22 years old, I had a little bit of my freedom taken away for about 3 weeks. Where I was, I could still smoke, but not on my own time.

I couldn’t smoke whenever I felt like smoking, but only when it was announced… ” SMOKE BREAK!!! SMOKE BREAAAK COME GET YA SMOKE BREAK! TIME FOR FRESH AIR!!! ”

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At that point- one cigarette, a short- was just not enough.. it just didn’t do it for me. So, I switched to Newport 100s. This way, I could smoke 1 whole cigarette, plus a half of a cigarette & save the other half for next time. ( or give it away to someone without any.)

I thought for sure this change would be temporary. That when I got home, I’d go right back to smoking shorts. I wouldn’t need all that cigarette when I could smoke on my time. Whenever I wanted to smoke.

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That wasn’t the case. Instead, I continued smoking Newport 100s. The excuse I used now?? “It’s easier to Split a cigarette with someone…”

Well, true true, Fair Point. It worked well when I hung out with other smokers. My live-in-BoyFriend also smoked Newport’s and we felt like splitting the 100s made us smoke less!!! THE LOGIC!!

I mean everyone we talked to, e v e r y o n e we hung out with always wanted us to “Split a cigawette wisss me pls?” (a joke for another day)

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There were a few times in between then and now, that I actually quit smoking all together.

Those times, I used the Nicotine Patches to quit.

img source target.com

The most successful time I used the patches, I stayed on Step One, 21MG’s, for about 2.5-3 months. It was Christmas-time & I had a lot going on at the time. My doctor was very much monitoring me with monthly appointments.

Somewhere in between the third and fourth month of Step One, (January), I felt as though I was finally ready to step down to a 14MG Patch, Step 2. During the transition, 4 of 5 times, there was a period of, 2 maybe 3 days that I had forgotten to change my patch all together. So when the time came to step down, I put on the 14MG patch and within a few shorts hours I was so sick.

Clammy palms, sweaty armpits, pounding headache with an emphasis on light sensitivity and nausea.

Forgetting to switch my patch for multiple days, multiple times, had lowered nicotine tolerance significantly.

After taking a few hour break without any patches on, I stepped down even lower, to Step 3, 7MG’s.

It didn’t make me sweat, or give me a headache, but the nausea was sticking to my insides like you’d think a giant wad of swallowed Bazooka Bubble Gum would do. Bazooka (chewing gum) - Wikipedia [Click image for Bazooka Bubble Gum Song by ScouterMom. com!]

A few short hours and a nice hot shower later – I could officially say I quit smoking. It felt great to say and so did I.

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Two and a half years later, while celebrating my “Dirty 30” at a bar in Patriot’s Place with a ‘good friend‘ of mine, we got a little buzzed and bummed a few cigarettes. None of which were Newports.

We Craved that cooling Menthol sensation that feels so much like relief.

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So, on the way back to her house, she bought us a pack of shorts, and we vowed to toss them out the window on the ride home.

We were rationalizing ….. We both preferred to smoke 100s, so it’s not like we’d really want them afterwards.

They were shorts, so we weren’t smoking as much.

It was my birthday, I deserved to do what I wanted to.

I hadn’t had a cigarette in 2.5 years, I wouldn’t throw that all away in one night… Right?

Happy Birthday To Me.

I did not throw that pack out the window on the ride home that night.

I told myself I was not going to litter just to get them away from me. No, I’d throw them in the first dumpster I saw. More rationalizing on my part.

Still, I didn’t.

I smoked three that night and held onto the pack for over a week. After they were gone, I picked right back up.

Stupid.

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Maybe just as stupid as my most recent attempt at “quitting“. See I tried to stay the course I knew, and use the Patch again, but I continued to smoke- and you cannot do both.

This time, Newports and all menthol cigarettes had been completely banned from the State that I live in. Flavors were completely banned. I’d have to drive an hour or more to get the cigarettes I smoked.

This time, I picked up something new. Something I’ve pretty much always been against.

Something that has been turned into ‘the trendy way to smoke.’

Appealing to the budding minds of our youth.

Our children.

The Future.

There are risks, we just don’t know about them all, not yet.

Vaping.

I thought that by using a Puff Bar, more Specifically, an ESCO BAR whenever I craved a cigarette, than I was on the path to quitting.

I thought that with every craving I had, Every puff that I took, I was one step closer to being a retired smoker.

Instead, I was using just another form of replacement therapy.

The flavors were wide and filled with taste. Colorful even. So hard to choose.

Now – I use this…

SMOK’s Nord 4. It’s a small enough vape “bar” with a removable tank to add in nicotine flavors. The difference between this and an Esco Bar, is that this can be refilled as needed, buttt also, everyone so often the coil needs to be changed out. How do you know when to change it?? Oh you’ll know.

The bitter/bad coil taste has quite a wide variety of grotesque tastes. When you know- You know.

I thought this was not as bad as smoking cigarettes, and, while it might not be as bad as sucking down 20 Newport 100’s per day – It still feels like its pretty frikkin bad!! I’ll tell you a little about what I feel.

See usually when I quit smoking, I feel it in my lungs pretty shortly after quitting. I feel like breathing becomes easier, lighter even.

With vaping, I’ve not felt my breathing get lighter by any means, maybe slightly easier, cleaner, but not lighter.

I don’t stink like stale cigarette smoke anymore *hooray!!* and my mouth doesn’t taste like an old dirty ashtray, but are my lungs greasy now?? Oil and water do not mix, so is the oil sitting on the fluid of my lungs? It sort of feels like this is what that would feel like. hmm.

There are days where I feel like I’m puffing on a computer – Like I’m puffing electricity… if that were a thing…

The dull ache in the back of my throat that connects in my head, leads me to believe it has something to do with my vaping… but what do I know?

My breath sometimes feels heavy, too heavy. Like taking a great big inhale just won’t work because it’s too heavy, or something is in the way.

This isn’t an every time thing, however it is a thing. Is it due to vaping? I can’t say, but there are times where I feel like I know my body so well, that I know something is going on in there…

I’d need to do a lot more research on the effects of vaping to really know any answers, but today I just wanted to share my thoughts about my vaping with you. Have something you’d like to add or say about vaping or smoking?

We’d love to hear you Share in the comments!!

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Some Link Sources Found throughout the Page:

  • Urban Dictionary is where it's attt!!
  • Merriam Webster Dictionary tells alll!
  • Wikipedia is Big Big Helpful...
  • Scouter Mom . Com
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A look at the Classic Disney Original Film, Pinocchio

It starts out exactly how I remember it….

The Well Known and Loved Jiminey Cricket

A cute little green cricket called Jiminey, dressed entirely like a vagabond. Living in between the relics of musical boxes, tiny dancing ballerina’s, cuckoo clocks, puppets, and all of the other wooden, and glass memorabilia that Gepetto collected and created over time. Like a tiny little village on the shelves – exactly how I remember it.

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Gepetto looked and sounded exactly the way he did in the original Disney cartoon from 1940 . The first few scenes had me debating with myself whether or not they chose the right guy for the role, but after watching the first 15 minutes, I decided that they couldn’t have done better!!!

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Tom Hanks absolutely SLAYS the role of the old wood shop owner, Geppetto. Although, there were a handful of times in the beginning that I thought, ‘ is he just mumbling in a botched Italian accent?’ – but it was because that part called for him to be mumbling- and the accent was pretty on point for a guy with an American Accent!!!

You may have recognized the larger than life voice behind the tiny vagabond cricket called Jimney. I knew it sounded familiar, but racked my brain throughout the entire movie before turning to Google for the answer!! It’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the role of a lifetime!!!

It wouldn’t be right for me to not give Pinocchio’s Fairy Godmother [ Blue Fairy] a HUUUGEE, BRAVOOO in this article!!!

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Bravaaa Cynthia Erivo, Brava!!!
This could have been a picture of anyone in my living room- watching in complete awe.

WOW!!! Seemingly Effortless, she appears in Gepetto’s window and with every flutter and shake -an iridescent glow is left in the wake of her movement!! She is stunning not only in appearance, but also in sound. Her voice, it truly makes the song.

The “Street People” were excellent and excellently played. As I watched the film in complete concentration and awe, I imagined what an honor it must have been for all the actors and actresses to play in such a widely known and well loved family film!!

Who do you think felt more special, Tom Hanks, or Benjamin Evan Ainsworth?? Or one of the other characters I’ve mentioned?? Or is it one of the ones I have not listed?

Luke Evans, Benjamin Ainsworth, Tom Hanks, Cynthia Erivo, and Robert Zemeckis attend the Pinocchio world premiere at Walt Disney Studios in Burbank, California on September 07, 2022. (Photo by Rich Polk/Getty Images for Disney)

I cannot wrap this up without giving credit to the ballerina puppet Sabina & her puppeteer Fabiana!!

What was my favorite part of the movie?? I’d have to say was probably Pinocchio’s Trip to Pleasure Island. Not to mention, Luke Evans really ranked highly in this one, as he played one hell of a coachman!!! The fresh little character “CandleWick” is played by a Young man named Lewin Lloyd – I think he lucked out with this one!! Great Acting Kid- Great Acting!!!!

” The way the story line of Pleasure Island crept up on us… captivating!!”, “BRILLIANT!!”

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For the few who had never seen, or read the original Pinocchio before watching the 2022 remake, “PLOT TWIST!!!”

The mixture of animation and reality throughout this film was genius. It was put together so perfectly, that, a child, and maybe even a handful of adults, would not even notice the difference!!

I had completely forgotten about the Donkeys!!! WOW!

This Movie was SUCH A HIT in my house! What are your thoughts on this 2022 Take of Pinocchio?? Leave a comment sharing your input, thoughts & opinions!!

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What Day is It?

October 23rd, 2022

Another day, another thing to Celebrate! Right?

Everything I hear, watch, see or read lately is either negative, about something/one negative, political – Just, EVERYTHING has an agenda.

Everything.

Some of my favorite T.V shows have always told a story. There is almost always some mention of things that are going on irl. That’s how great Television is made.

Now, it is always in the form of political pull.

I’m trying to provide some light reading- with zero political pull.

Let’s Celebrate.