When I Grow Up part 1

By: F-Mombie

 I’m trying to figure this all out. What am I going to be when I grow up?
I’ve been so many things in these 33 years . I’ve been a baby who needed to be constantly held and taken care of, I didn’t do much besides sleep, eat, cry, repeat. That lasted a short while.
Then I was a toddler, needing to be taught. Craving constant attention and always so curious. I began by crawling, then talking, walking, all the good stuff.
After that I was a kid. First I stayed home with mom and learned some more. I colored, and played out scenes with Barbie’s dolls and sculpted play doh. Soon enough, still a kid, I went to school and learned to spell and write for many many years as a kid. Throughout my teenage years, I was still considered a kid. I did more though. I was much much more dependent, and no longer needed constant attention as I had for many years before.
Eventually , I was a driver. It wasn’t my job, but I did it like it was.
My first real job and my first real relationship happened simultaneously. My first job was at my local mall. I was an Ice cream Scooper at Friendly’s. I was 15. My first real boyfriend was my “friends” bf first & I really wasn’t even interested and he really wanted her to go away.

Next I was 17,and I was a coffee maker. I got a job at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts , and worked my way to shift leader. I wasn’t sure if I liked the fit. I wasn’t sure I liked my position, on the other side of the counter, dealing so directly with the public at such a fast pace. Handling their money, and their liquid Gold. I did not know the importance of caffeine to a person at that time. I did not know that I was directly making and providing people with the actual thing that keeps / gets them going.
At 15/16, I wasn’t sure of anything quite yet, so anytime a friend needed a job, I without a doubt got them one.
I had no idea the kind of trouble it was going to get me intomore than once.
I was now a high school graduate and practically a housewife.
2 years into working behind the counter, handing people their fuel, their liquid gold, I became a teen mom. My body was trying to become a mother .
For a period of time and Simultaneously with the fore mentioned, I was a thief. Not a real thief, I wouldn’t even say it, but I mean, I stole by allowing my school friend employees to tempt and teach me with the help of my “friends”.
To “under-ring”; a thing I literally could not understand. I personally couldn’t wrap my brain around the how. So, I let helped them do it, and was rewarded with half at the end of those shifts, at my first 2 jobs.
I became an accused. Accused for stealing money? That was so not me.
I didn’t realize… that’s exactly what we were doing. I paid such little attention, that I didn’t realize one of my friends was actually stealing
from the box, right under my nose.
I told the truth, took responsibility for what I knew, and defended my “friend” to no end.
My first and second jobs both went the same, both ended for the same reasons. I knew I didn’t fit there, I needed to try something different.
At 19 I was a Customer Service Representative at a call center. I spent 9+ hours a day making and taking calls that had to do with Medicare’s A, B,& C, memorizing rebuttals and loopholes. This was my calling, pun intended.
You’d think By 21, one would be a grown up, and I really truly thought I was. I was finally back in school for a career & thought I had it all figured out. Instead, I was even more confused than before. Being confused really isn’t a bad thing, until it is.
Continue reading “When I Grow Up part 1”

Not just for kids

We teach each other how to treat each other. 
We teach each other how to treat each other.
It’s a lesson we’ve all learned, heard, at least once as a child…but maybe never as an adult.
Why do we use it to scold?? Why do we use it in our attempts to reverse something negative??
Sure you’ve heard this as an adult. You know this is a statement that is used. You already know it is true.
Do you actually understand it though?
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“Treat others the way you want them to treat you.”

A million moms before us

See? That is the first GIF that comes up when I searched, simply the word “treat”. Yes, “treat others how you want to be treated”,

I had a whole huge post / article here that I must not have saved 😩😞😒 which is a HUGE bummer because I definitely couldn’t write it all over. I struggled with the layout of this post for dayyys, so if it doesn’t look great; that’s why & I leave my sincerest apologies ❤️ will be back for more later 💋

xO. TruthMommy

This is What Racing Feels Like

Racing, a Tmommy Collab

Racing random ridiculous thoughts running ramped through my head.

This is What Racing Feels Like

Racing random ridiculous thoughts run ramped in circles through my mind while I close my eyes.

Words like years, time, baptism, heaven, solitude, leaving, mystery, horror, fear, lost, failing, work, school, dinner, money, taxes, sleep- De-Realization. I remember a time not long ago when I wasn’t always so anxious and worried.

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I don’t know. I don’t have the answers I need and it stresses me out.

De-Realization? What does DeRealization mean to you??

It makes me anxiuous, and makes me feel unbalanced, uneven, unreal.

Is it something the just happens with adults?? Or do Kids understand it too? What is “De-Realization” To you? In your own words?

I apologize ahead, as this template is giving me anxiety. This Format is incorrect. For now it will do.

I dont know if it comes with age or if it’s something thats been there all along, just under the surface… dormant. I dont know if its that, or if it comes with wisdom. I don’t know exactly what it is. Everything gives me anxiety. Everything.