It’s been a long day –
As a mom, I need to stay up,
As a human, I need to go to sleep,
I didn’t sleep last night,; I took three 2 minute long blinks… they both ended in a violent jolt- or a tiny twitch… I kept waking myself up. I desperately wanted sleep- but I couldn’t just lay there and close my eyes. There’s to much to do….

why does that happen at least 1 night a week??

Sometimes there are no long blinks at all…. Just sleeplessnesses,

Just getting up to pee, laying back down…. Waiting to hear the quiet footsteps of my tiny toddler.

Just laying.. hearing creaks, cracks, scratches & taps. I get up to smoke, but before I actually do it, I imagine myself doing it a dozen times or so.

I’m wasting time.

I recognize the pitter pattering of tiny feet as they slowly run across the carpeted floor to the staircase.

I don’t hear a sound for a moment, I look to my doorway and see the shadowy figure getting closer- and into my bed climbs my beautiful baby, for cuddles from mama.

Into my bed she climbs, and without a word gets under the blankets, and backs herself into my arms.

As a human, I should probably sleep,

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