Open my eyes & look around,
Stretch my arms & wiggle my toes –
Is there a child wedged between my husband & I? Or am I alone ?
Move the blankets & scroll through my phone,
Not looking in any specific direction, just clicking around …
before It’s time for me to put my feet on the ground
Not quite yet, give me time,
I wrote this piece this morning without trying to rhyme…
Hug my little, if she’s there & snug for a second, if we’re late, I don’t care
Because the moments are too small , and the stuff in the days are all too big ,
Time for mama to get up, and I go smoke a cig ,
Text my daughter an I love you & to have a good day –
And while dad got ready, he woke the kids up, but by this time of the morning, I still hear a little snoring…
I Wake them all up for a 2nd or 3rd time, then I let the chickens & ducks out of the coop & feed them , collect eggs & kindly thank them.
I come back inside and now my cat is meowing at me.
So I clean out his dish & refill both sides,
Get the girls in the shower, brush & style their hair – by now I’m cooking breakfast, but that occasion is rare –
Tell my son now to shower & to get himself dressed ,
I can hear Him ask Alexa the time, and now we’re all about to be stressed,
It’s usually around 8:07-8:08 , and if we don’t hurry up we are bound to be forever late.
Luckily the school day here doesn’t start til almost 9!! But if we walk in even a minute late, the tardy sheet I’ll need to sign.
I pack their lunches & add some awesome snacks, I sometimes write little love notes & hide them in their back packs.
By now I’ve said “Let’s go!” Probably 15 times, and on the way out, someone always must stop to feed the fish.
On the days we’re on time and definitely not going to be late, something chaotic happens, something always happens.
Last week we had an attack on our little backyard farm, a stupid fisher cat caused one of the Hens some serious harm.
It was quite traumatic on everyone including me, and my neighbor yelled out that she saw the whole thing!
Yesterday it was the fish tank,
As we walked out the door, my little one had to feed the fish, well we literally watched as our bala shark got stuck and nearly squished.
So my son stuck his
hand arm to the bottom of the tank, grabbed the decoration piece& on the shark he began to gently yank..
After a long 10 minutes, he got the shark out & I was so proud of him & at school his story got him clout,
Now it’s 8:49 as we run out the door,
We all enter the school & I realize I didn’t get ready & probably look like a fool.
I sign the kids in & get back to the car,
My little one and I talk the whole ride to daycare , and when we get there she has a meltdown because me leaving isn’t fair.
So I have the ride home all to myself, and I listen to old and new music, as high as it goes …
I click through the stations to find the perfect songs & drown out the craziness in my head that’s always going on.
Today I’m home because I forgot to schedule myself work, and these days I feel wasted, I feel like a total jerk.
Get busy I think to myself as I pace through the house, I need to do something to feel accomplished,
I’m not always okay and it probably shows…
One night we have softball then dance at different times, the next it’s basketball & Girl Scouts, then baseball practice, and I honestly do love attending all of the games, even the early morning weekend ones, a different day for each sport,
So I stay doing nothing but binging Netflix shows.
Am I doing a good job at this mom thing?
What about as a person? Just me as myself? Any observations? Or just answers I could have?
These days are going by so fucking fast, I don’t know when it happened, what age was I at?
Like when did time turn into such a magical thing? Something that is so utterly beautiful & amazing to be a part of / to have, to hypothetically watch, or to just look at, it’s even better than how seeing a real life unicorn would probably be..
It just poof disappears. day after day, it’s the exact same thing, if life were a tik tok, I’d live it in 0.3x incase you were wondering .
But for real time, it’s special, it is precious and it is something to be cherished . The best that you can.
It’s something that now a’ days I’m wayy more grateful than ever to have.
After losing many friends to addiction, that fucking Beast.
Watching friend after friend lose their battle and go in Peace.
if I work that day I always feel like I’m wasting it anyway.