Creating A Legacy That Want's to Be Left. Normalizing the things that no one wants to talk about.
Monthly Archives: August 2021
So I started watching the newly released Netflix series “Brand New Cherry Flavor” last night. Did anyone binge watch it already?? Anyone watching it yet? Had you heard of it? – Yeah???No??? I didn’t think so either. It sounded wicked interesting, like something I could totally get right into, and not have to watch, rewatch, rewind, restart, and, or overthink too much. (Unfortunately for me, that happens more often than not) However, it didn’t take long for me to remember.
When I sayremember, I mean like.. 2 1/2 episodes in, I was having some like, crazy a** Dejavu. No, not the kind where I literally remember it [it being certain events] happening before, but the kind that I literally remember seeing it[even if only in my imagination] happen before. I literally remembered some key points in this story like, the Plot of the story, the theme, the conflicts, I even remembered[or came up with ( thats where I’m at at this point)] some of the solutions that I thought may have happened in whichever version of the story that I remembered. [ saw, heard, watched, read..?]
Okay, This is kind of nuts, and this story has become super intense. I’m halfway through Episode 7; “Egg”, and thus far, not only am I incredibly impressed, but also I’m still pretty floored, perplexed by the memories that I have of this storyline. Still, I haven’t remembered when, where, or how I know/heard/saw this story, but I do know that I have. I must have. Right? I mean, this has been happening throughout the series!!! While watching bothEpisodes 6&7 it was kind of like, I knew what was going to happen, what was coming, before it happened, or like, as it was happening, ya know? That kind of Dejavu.
I’m convinced that I’ve seen this story with my own 2 eyes. I feel it. I know it. I’ve watched it play out before, in a movie, as a movie. Like, the ENTIRE plot. Either I’ve seen it before, or have heard this story. Maybe in school? I doubt it. Maybe we watched/read it in my Senior Cinematography class? Maybe it was a “GooseBumps” episode? Are you afraid of the Dark? no? I DON’T KNOW!?
Google did confirm that this Limited Netflix Series was released August 14th, 2021, and that it is based on the Novel” Brand New Cherry Flavor”. Sooo it is definitely a book. I’ve definitely read it, and whenever it was that I did read it, the words must have been so perfectly descriptive, as while I watch this series, many, many scenes look EXACTLY like the scenes that I pictured while, “reading…” [[ whenever it was that I read the 1996 Novel ]]
( paid link )
If you have not yet seen, or are currently watching the Limited Netflix Series ” Brand New Cherry Flavor,” PROCEED WITH CAUTION – THERE MAY BE SOME SPOILER ALERTS!!!!
To Conclude; The Netflix Limited Series, ‘Brand New Cherry Flavor’ ; was a TOTAL WIN!! I’ve recommended it to multiple people already! I’d even allow my 13 y.o to watch it with me!!! A new All time favorite!!
10:56pm Sitting outside on my “stoop” aka … farmers… porch 🤣😂 – the air changes… the breeze feels stuffy, and all of a sudden it’s not.
I think of you…
I can’t tell you exactly why- it was just like one second you were there, the next you weren’t.
At first an indoor affair came to mind, something that happened in my adult years. Seconds later, a line or 2 into the song, you come to mind. Not the last version of you I saw. The high school, awkward, 8th grade you. Maybe this was a song we listened to together with friends or maybe on one of our blunt cruises..
Next up @ a little past 11pm, still on the same stoop..
Can you imagine that some little space alien child or man child are holding their version of an XBOX controller, controlling our every single move? Controlling everything we do, down to the clacking sounds I hear right now as I continue to type?
There is a theory that Our hardware runs solely on the speed of light?
I mean, it could totally make sense, right? This is something that I don’t understand.
Mostly a woman’s type of read – but only due to the TMI factors –
You don’t ever truly know pain and discomfort until you actually facetrue pain and discomfort. Pain and discomfort that is nearly impossible to pin point on/ in the body.Pain and discomfort that makes you feel so wrong, like something is going on inside of you that you have absolutely no control over.
Pain and discomfort is something I thought I could say that I’ve experienced many times in my life, and I have, but there’s nothing like this sort of discomfort. Nothing that I can compare.
Discomfort in a place that, I’m not so sure I’ve ever really been completely comfortable in. Discomfort. Uncomfortable. Pain. Pressure. Pulling. Pushing. Falling. Heavy. Opening. Emptying. Filled. Full. Burning. Building. Releasing. Clenching. Pinching. BREATHE. The feelings I’m feeling inside of my discomfort. These words surround my discomfort, my every move, or lack thereof.
My last time in a Labor and Delivery Suite was the most traumatic experience I’d ever faced. I wasinduced, which was not something that was new on me, matter of fact, I’d been induced twice, before this 3rd time. This time was different though and that was something I knew all along. I knew this baby sat differently. She was not in position, ever, in fact, she was in the complete opposite position than she was supposed to be. I knew it, but he told me I waswrong. Even though I knew what I felt, I trusted this man. Unfortunately by the time this information comes to light, it is too late – 14 hours into the induction. Ready to push. Breech. Legs. Bruised. Meconium. Emergency. Adrenaline. Breech. Pain. O.R. oN call. What the hell is going on?!BREATHE.
Her legs came down where her head should be. She straddled the interior of my right hip as I laid in a puddle of my own amniotic fluid sobbing hysterically. I had clearly read and watched a little too much about labor and delivery, and about how Doctors prefer an emergency/ non urgent – C- sections rather than a vaginal.( see ” the business of being born“) ” I KNEW YOU WOULD TRY THIS!! I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN!!! ITS A CONSPIRACY!!” – okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, but I was definitely freaking out and refusing a C-section. No sooner did they rush in, load me up with fentanyl ( as I’d already gotten my half working epidural x’s3 ) – overdose me 3 times & hit me with adrenaline to counteract 3x’s – on the way to the O.R – . I felt like I was dying. BREATHE. I couldn’t breathe.
Hardly even a year later I noticed this constant feeling of heaviness inside of me. Almost like a SUPER heavy period was coming. It felt as though my insides were all gonna fall out. Literally. I go back to see my OBGYN, yes the one that induced me with a breech baby and after 14 hours of labor, he had left. Yes the same OBGYN I had been seeing since I was 14 years old. “Stage 1 PP” – you’ll be fine, nothing you can do really, it just happens with age anyways. ” He said what?! I did my own research into Pelvic Floor weakness, Pelvic Prolapse, the ins and outs, the types etc. This is when I discovered that I was not alone. It is actually super common in women who have had multiple children. There are some things you can do to feel better, one of them being PT.
I found a PT nearby, made an appointment, went twice- then I moved, and couldn’t find a PT with later hours as I needed. So I went to the place where you can find every and anything you can POSSIBLY imagine; The internet. I found hundreds of videos on PP- PT, (Pelvic prolapse physical therapy), subscribed to you-tube channels, and followed my own little regimen. I have to point out, my favorite, my at the time savior, @Dr.BriRogen – FemFusion Fitness and Pelvic Health.
She saved me.Changed my life. I followed her regimens to the T, for over a year. I started with her 10-15 minute videos 1-2xs a day, and after about a month, I was doing 30 day Yoga challenges with Adriene, Pilates with this one, HIIT, with that one. I was feeling a sense of accomplishment. I was feeling, and looking my best.
Everything was Great. So great, that I forgot all about my little issue. So great that once I moved, I didn’t think I needed to continue pushing myself so hard, and slowly, I stopped everything all together.
Cut to – The Now. The discomfort. The pain.
Pelvic Floor weakness is the start, this is where you can manage and possibly even prevent any type of pelvic organ prolapse. They say Kegels, but in all honesty, from the mouth of my PT, Kegels can make some types of POP worsen!! Gently insert 1 finger, and proceed to do and hold a kegel for 5 seconds….. and release. When you released, could you feel yourself actually release completely? Or was it a slow, taut release? If its the latter, than that is what you need to work on. Releasing, slowly, while inhaling. Reflex for 5 seconds while exhaling hard. Inhale to slowly, and control-ably, release.
Today the pain and discomfort is back. It can no longer be compared too only a super heavy period. I cannot find the exact words to compare. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced such an uncomfortable feeling, especially one that I can hardly place.
Here is about as close as I can get, at the moment. Ever had a UTI? Either a sense of urgency, or frequency? Or both? – Ever had a really really painful, uncomfortable period?? Where you can literally feel your walls shedding?? What about “vaginal candidiasis”?BV? Okay, if you’ve EVER had 2 or more of those mentioned above, whether you had them at the same time, or at completely separate times, you can remember somewhat what they felt like, right? Well here is my comparison, for now. Its like the beginning stages of labor, when you FIRST realize, “oh shit these are contractions” – mixed with that feeling you get, maybe more of a sensation , after spending days in a pool, in your bathing suit, realizing SHIT, here comes a yeast infection – all the while you’ve felt as though you’ve been unable to completely empty your bladder after every time you pee, therefore having a BAD U.T.I for over a week! All of those things at once is what I can compare this pain and discomfort to. Finally, when your at the GYNO, and they are inserting the speculum? That pressure? That pinch? That’s the feeling of discomfort while only sitting down.
Today is worse. Today my pain and discomfort is accompanied by chest pains, constant chest pain, on the right side, towards the middle. Plus my sides feel some sort of pain. I can’t place it. When i cannot place my pain, I’m afraid that it is because the pain is in/on/ surrounding an organ. Although, I’ve always had problems with heartburn and indigestion.
I’m falling apart.
I’m not even in my mid-thirties yet, and I’m falling apart.
I’m journal-ing this experience to follow. To remember or be remembered. To relate and be relatable. To hopefully help someone who is afraid, or uneducated. I am afraid right now, but I am also a very strong and have educated myself on the matter of Pelvic Floor Health. I will continue to do so. For me. For you. For my daughters. Granddaughters.
Yes being a woman can sometimes suck, but what I’ve failed to mention, is that this is not only a women’s problem.This is not something that you get only after having children.Infants can be diagnosed with this, as can women without children, as can men.
If you feel strongly about this subject, this post, or anything to do with POP ( pelvic organ prolapse) – Speak up! I welcome you to join us on our journey through understand Pelvic Health.
Celeste is a stay home mom and entrepreneur with a background in addiction, mental health, and psychology. She studies health topics to discuss, after thoroughly researching and or experiencing. She has 4 beautiful children whom are her entire world. She is actively trying to build on and leave a legacy in which all will remember her by. Her goal is helping other women that suffer the same challenges as herself.